Survivor
They're Back!

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Tina Tumbles

As Rob M. scales a tree to chop down some fronds (impressive!), Rob C. picks up the interviewing slack, explaining that because they have nothing to build fire with at the moment, getting the shelter squared away is their primary concern. Shelter-building doesn't turn out to be quite so easy, of course, as Big Tom explains that there were multiple ideas about how to do everything, because this is the Tribe for Non-Diplomatic Personalities Only. Sue mentions, as they discuss the shelter, that she thinks they should try to get it right at the beginning so that they don't have to redo it. We then go to an interview with her in which she says -- sounding, as always, like Marge Gunderson's evil, chain-smoking cousin -- that she's sure she'll be the first to go, because she's "the most outspoooken." The shelter-building gets a little discombobulated, and Rob M. interviews that, once again, he finds himself on "the buffoon tribe." It's not particularly politic of him, but if the buffoon fits, you know? "Apparently, I'm the brains behind this operation," he says with obvious shock, which I laughed at when I first saw him say it, because he looks as surprised and chagrined by that fact as you feel. If you can't be brilliant, it's nice to at least have some glimmer of self-awareness, Jon.

We now make our way over to Saboga. Ethan voices over that he's "happy with the group." He says that there's "the mom" (Tina), "the nice guy" (Rupert), "the military guy" (Rudy), "the hot chick" (Jerri), and so forth. Yes, sir, Ethan's got everyone lined up by stereotype, so he's ready to roll. It really does take a person of some substance to look at someone of Jerri's almost blindingly strong personality and have nothing to say about her except "hot chick." No wonder he went for Jenna Morasca. "It's amazing that all these different styles of play are going to come together." Oh, is it, Ethan? Is it amazing? That so many cardboard characters can coexist on a single beach? Tell me about it, stud. [Eye-roll.] The team looks for water, and Tina hollers to Rudy to help them read the map. "What do I look like, Magellan?" he asks, as he approaches. Hee hee, Rudy said "Magellan." The only thing that could have improved that line would have been saying "Amerigo Vespucci," because I always favor going slightly weirder, where possible. Tina voices over that she's doing the show again because it's "part of her being," and if that's true, it's very, very sad. She insists that it's "not about the money," so obviously, she's likely to be gracious later if it turns out that somebody doesn't want to hand her another million dollars, right? Right? Oh, I'm sure she will. Anyway, she lectures that it's "all about life experiences," and that when she goes to her grave, she'll have a million of 'em! Right! She'll know she was on TV! Twice! Whatever, Tina.

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Survivor

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