This Game Respects Big Moves

Episode Report Card
Sara M: A | Grade It Now!
Jesus Hates Matt

They vote. We don't see who anyone votes for. Matt hovers for a while over the urn before finally making a decision and casting his vote. Probst leaves to get the urn, and Mike nods at Matt, who nods back but doesn't look him in the eye. Probst brings the urn back and asks if anyone wants to play his idol. Ralph stands up, and Rob starts giggling, which probably tells you right there that his alliance didn't vote for anyone on Zapato and Matt is freaking screwed. By his allies. Again! Ralph approaches Probst and says he wants to use his idol to save Mike. He thinks this is his shining moment of glory and that all the votes Onomatopoeia cast against Mike will not count and thus, Grant is a goner for sure. Probst reads the votes: five votes for Grant, all of which are spelled correctly. I'm disappointed in you, Ralph. And then, much to everyone on Zapato's surprise, there's a vote for Steve. Steve and his tribe look very, very worried, but then there's a vote for Matt. He laughs. I don't think he realizes what is about to happen to him. When the second vote for him pops up, though, he gets an idea. He just shakes his head sadly and disgustedly as the rest of the votes -- all for him -- follow. Yes, even Andrea voted for him this time. "Let the fireworks begin," Steve mutters. "Genius is what that was," David says admiringly. Probst snuffs Matt's torch and sends him back to Redemption Island, which may not have been Rob's best move strategically (although it wasn't a bad move, either), but is freaking hilarious. "Oh my god, that poor kid," Julie mutters. Yeah, well, this time, that poor kid dug his own grave. Either that, or Jesus has an amazing sense of humor. And a bit of a mean streak.

Matt sadly walks down the stairs. "What the hell, guys?" he says to himself, still having no idea what he did wrong and why he is such a terrible, terrible player of this game. Probst wraps things up with the remaining contestants, saying that the problem with voting Matt out AGAIN is that he may well win his way back on the show and may not be so eager to forgive this time. Really? Because I think if Matt comes back on the show, he'll run right over to Rob's side and ally with him again. As he's walking back to Redemption Island, he says he has "no idea" what just happened and that he "likes" and wants to "be friends" with his former tribemates, but they obviously don't want to be friends with him. No, they don't, because you are not playing Jesus Friendship Circle. You are (sort of) playing Survivor. Don't turn the other cheek next time, idiot.

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