Episode Report Card
Sara M: D | 2 USERS: A-
Last Dance With Merry Jane

Not yet, though! Instead, Jud and Chase dry their tears and talk about the reward challenge and who they're going to take with them if they win it. Jud wants to take Chase and Sash, and Chase promises he'll pick the same. Which means ... nothing. As we know. Jud apparently does not know this, even though he just saw Chase promise a reward to Sash and fail to deliver it like three days ago.

The tribe arrives at the reward challenge and wait for Probst to stop talking about the Product Placement phone and asking them stupid questions so they can see their loved ones already. Dan is a mess already, even more emotional about this than Holly. Probst finally gets to the reward challenge, first explaining the reward: a boat ride to "a place you've never been before" (how does he know that? Way to assume, Probst), food (including some really nasty-looking cookies), alcohol, the stupid Product Placement phone for some reason, and, last but not least, their loved ones, who Probst refers to as "gorgeous company." The hell? Is he saying that Charlie is gorgeous? Is he putting the moves on everyone's mother? What a strange adjective for Probst to use. Everyone gasps like they had no idea this was coming, and Probst calls out the family members one by one. First up, it's Chase's mom, Connie! Wearing a matching fuschia T-shirt and shorts. I know she's probably about to get messy in the reward and everything, but is that really the way you want to appear on TV? Although her son is also been rocking an identical plaid shirt and shorts combo, so maybe matchy-matchy outfits run in the family. Chase and Connie hug, and Probst asks Jud who he's hoping to see. "Anybody, man!" he says. He does not get man, but his mother, Anne! So many tears. I mean, I get that life is hard out there and it's been a long time since they saw or talked to a family member, but come on, Jud. I'm sure there's a more adult way to cry than that. Probst then has to inform Anne that they're all calling her son Fabio now. Anne lies that it's a "good nickname" and says people used to call her son "Jud the Stud." Used to? Why'd they stop? Maybe they saw him cry. "Only a mom could say that," Probst says, no doubt jealous that no one ever called him anything except "Probst the Host."

And next it's Sash's mother Leigh. Probst says they seem "very close," although I don't get that they're any closer than Chase or Jud are with their mothers. Sash says his family was poor growing up but had a lot of love and his mother is his best friend. Whatever, he's not crying like everyone else. Sash is a sociopath maybe. Dan, of course, is still crying, and out comes his son, Matthew. Dan actually runs towards his son to hug him, which is the only running he's done this entire season. "Gahhgsdsagohgod!" he says as he hugs his son. He's such a softy! I love Dan. He says his two sons are his life and he's so proud of them and they are of him, no matter what "crazy things" he does. Crazy things like putting people's feet in cement and throwing them in the East River? I think so. Dan sincerely thanks Probst for bringing his son out here, and Probst says he's "so touched" watching Dan and his son together, with his son kissing him on the head over and over again. Yeah, they're Italian! Probst is just jealous because all the botox he got makes him unable to cry. Or kiss. "He's my dad," Matthew says, not sure why Probst is even asking that question.

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