Survivor

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Sara M: D | 2 USERS: A-
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Last Dance With Merry Jane

Jane's daughter Ashley comes running out. Jane is happy her daughter could make it out here since she has to run the farm back home because, remember, her dad and Jane's husband is dead. Ashley is a woman of few words, simply saying her mother looks "skinnier than hell." Probst pretends to forget about Holly's loved one because he's an asshole, then calls out her husband Charlie. "There's your man," Probst says creepily. Holly and her husband hug and Holly says that they're actually missing their 25th anniversary while she's out here, so it's great to see him. Damn, isn't she only 44? That means she got married when she was 19. Charlie says he can't believe Holly stayed with him for 25 years, which is especially impressive when you remember that Holly has like five different personalities, so that means they all have to love Charlie.

Finally, we get to the challenge. The loved ones will be participating, of course. Charlie seems confused and angry about this, as apparently he has never seen the show before. The contestants have to run up and plank and dive in a pool to fetch bags of lettered tiles, then hand them off to their loved one, who will unscramble them to reveal a phrase. Probst asks if they're "ready for this," and Charlie suddenly thrilled at the prospect of doing this challenge. Wow, he switches moods even more rapidly than his wife. Probst says go, and they all (including Dan!) sprint to the pool and jump in. But Dan has trouble climbing back out of the pool, which Probst makes sure to mention because he has no problem calling Dan out for being weak in front of his fucking son. By the time Dan gets the first bag back to his son, the rest of the contestants are coming back with their second and final bags. He gets the second bag to his son when the others are still just starting on their puzzles. Probst warns the contestants not to yell hints or solutions to their family members lest they be overheard by another team. He says this too late for Charlie, who screams "FAMILY VISIT TIME?" as his guess even though there's no way to spell that with the letter tiles provided. As it happens, Jane quickly figures out that two of the three words are "family" and "first." And yet, Ashley doesn't seem to hear her or know how to spell those words. Also not very good at spelling is Charlie, who has "FIWY" on his board at one point. Hilariously, there is no W in the solution - he put the M upside down. Because W is much more common than M. Ultimately, it comes down to a race between Connie and Charlie, somehow. Connie, who probably watches a lot of Wheel of Fortune at home and so is good at word puzzles anyway, gets it first and wins it. Hooray! Middle-aged women continue to dominate this season!

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Survivor

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