But there are still five minutes left in the show! So let's jump back in time a few hours. Or we can pretend that Russell is still sobbing on the ground at the challenge the next morning. Whatever. As he's carried out of the game on a stretcher manned by like twenty people, he voiceovers that being forced out of the game like this is a terrible feeling. I'll bet the extreme dehydration feels worse, though. "To have my body fail me is utterly demoralizing," he says as he's loaded into a van. Your body didn't fail you, Russell. Your mind failed you by forgetting to DRINK WATER. He says rather do the show and fail than never try. And they have truly pulled out the epic hero music for this, haven't they? I believe the lyrics are "maybe if we make him look good/he won't try to sue us." And with that, there's a pretty awesome shot of the van driving into the dense jungles of Samoa. There's no hospital in sight, so it looks like that's going to be a long, bumpy ride. Kind of like the rest of this season.

And check out Russell's Fuck You Family Moment, where his wife and daughter talk about how awesome it is that he was finally able to get on this show after trying for so long. "Persistence pays off," the wife says. Yes. But keeping yourself hydrated pays off even more.

You can read more from Sara Morrison at L.A.me, follow her on Twitter, or you can email her at saramorrison@gmail.com.