Survivor
This Tribe Will Self-Destruct In 5, 4, 3…

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The Finish That Was Weirdly Satisfying

And then we cut back, and the caption reads, "Elapsed Time: 30 Minutes." Oh. Oh, boy. And they're still trying to get a flame going. Jeff Probst is sitting with his arms crossed, looking on disapprovingly. We look at the jury members, all of whom are sitting there with various bored expressions on their faces. The women keep working. Jeff Probst sits with his head in his hand. Brad begins to, uh, doze off.

And then: Elapsed Time: 1 Hour." Oh, NO. This is like watching my dog try to catch bugs. Jonathan and Adam yawn simultaneously as Parvati looks miserable. Candice yawns, "Come on." Now, the music has turned into the silly little bumbling-crooks music from, say, Home Alone. Ozzy has his head in his hands with his fingers covering his face. Ozzy cannot bear to look. Yul is bent over in misery, unable to hold up his head. "All right, stop right where you're at," Probst says coldly. And then there's this brilliant pause, and he says, "We're going to go to matches." Sundra and Becky both giggle in embarrassment. Resolved: The next time something isn't going well for you and you're realizing it's time to go to Plan B, your comment is, "We're going to go to matches."

So Sundra and Becky start again. At first, Becky can't even get her match going. Her MATCH. She is now failing Girl Scouts. Sundra gets a ball of fire, but she can't keep it lit. Both the women have respectable wood pyramids, but neither fire will stay lit. They keep striking matches and starting again. Ozzy puts his head in his hands again.

So now, it's an hour and thirty minutes down. Think about how long that is. Ninety minutes of watching two ladies not start a fire. (Dwight: "Sundra and Becky didn't start the fii-yaaaah!") ["I really wished someone on the jury would steal over, grab some coconut husk, and hold it up to his or her chin, so the camera could cut to him or her looking like they'd been there long enough to grow beards." -- Wing Chun] Jeff says that "after thirty-eight days out here, you should both know how to make fire." Yeah. I think I...would agree with that. On the one hand, I understand that you might get a case of nerves and not be able to do it, but on the other hand? It is an hour and a half. (My best friend: "We're going to aerosol cans and blowtorches." ["Glark: 'Now the competition is for you to ring your bell with your hand.'" -- Wing Chun])

Becky and Sundra both take apart their structures and start over. But now, Sundra sadly holds up her box of matches and says that she is out. So she...she ran out a box of matches. That is not good news. She just has to watch as Becky builds a little fire. Unless Becky runs out of matches as well, Sundra is going to be done. Becky works on her fire, and it finally gets going. Finally, the challenge ends, and Sundra and Becky hug. So Sundra is going to the jury, and Becky is going to the final three. Sundra gets snuffed. She turns and blows kisses, saying, "Love you," and then she leaves. Aw. Nice lady. Jeff tells the F3 that they've done all they can, and now, it's all about the jury. Sundra's parting words are predictably graceful, and she says that one of the remaining three is going to win a million dollars, and had better take her out to dinner. Again: aw!

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Survivor

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