This Tribe Will Self-Destruct In 5, 4, 3…

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: A | Grade It Now!
The Finish That Was Weirdly Satisfying

Tribal council. When the jury is seated, Nate enters with a cane. I don't know what's up with that, exactly, but I wouldn't be surprised if he stole it from some alleged hipster whose style he admires. Parvati is hella made up, as you would expect. Adam makes goo-goo eyes at her, much as he used to with Candice. Oh, Adam. You cheap date. Jeff starts off by asking Ozzy whether anything has happened that would change Adam's situation. "Um, no," Ozzy says plainly, with a hint of a smile. Ozzy says the only thing that would have helped Adam was individual immunity. "So, just so I'm clear, Adam's done," Jeff says. "Yes, Jeff, I think I'm done," Adam breaks in. He says that he had a chance to win himself immunity and came up short, and since the Aitus have "blinders on," and are determined to get to the final four together, there's not much he can do.

Jeff asks Becky how the game will change after this vote. Becky says that she thinks the rest of the Aitus will fight a lot harder in challenges, at which Candice rolls her eyes grandly for reasons known only to her. Becky says they've been "letting Ozzy win for [them]," and now that's not going to work, so much. Jeff tells Becky that this is "interesting," because she's talked about the ethics of the game, and now she's admitting that they let Ozzy take the challenges, and that they're "riding Ozzy's coattails." As I have explained many times before, it is mathematically demonstrable that there are no coattails in Survivor, but I wouldn't expect Jeff Probst of all people to understand this. Becky says that Ozzy has certainly helped them, but she "wouldn't say 'riding on' him." Nate, Jenny, and Candice all smile smugly. I have to wonder what they think is being accomplished here. I keep wanting to bonk them on the head with a rolled-up newspaper, like, "YOU STILL LOST." It's like they're the kids who tried out for the play and didn't get in the cast, and now they're sitting in the audience on opening night giggling about how lame it is. It's somewhat transparent, as charades go. Jeff asks Ozzy what he thinks of this "riding coattails" business, and Ozzy says, "For me, I don't care." He says that he wants to win, and that he doesn't really care about the rest of it. Adam busts in again to cast a few more stones: "It is true, Ozzy's job is to win challenges. Yul is more of the guy behind everything, and...I'm not sure what these two do." Candice and Parvati chuckle, because mockery of people who are nicer than you and don't need to care what you think is a tradition going back centuries, not to mention grade levels. Furthermore, Candice and Parvati would never sit around and not do anything. "They're boring people, that's for sure," Adam adds, of Becky and Sundra, angry that neither of them ever flipped when he told them to. "And they don't like to take risks at all, but it's worked out for 'em." In other words, "They just want to do the things most likely to get them safely to the final four, and I guess they're getting to the final four, so [golf clap]." He is so stupid. Candice and Parvati continue snort-laughing, because their favorite sport is watching while the big galoot insults and dismisses the women who beat him out. I have to wonder what it is about "they're boring people" that's quite this hilarious. It's not witty, so they're purely laughing at it like, "Oh, SNAP!," and I have to wonder, since when is "you're boring" worthy of that kind of reaction?

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