Thy Name Is Duplicity

Episode Report Card
Joanna: B | Grade It Now!
So That's Where He Gets It From...
she's like, "Just vote this and shut up!" Kelly says she has to keep telling herself that she didn't "come here to make friends" but that she likes "these people." "These people" and "you people" are two of the most innocuously offensive statements I often hear. I had an old boss who used to call me "you people," and it drove me insane.

Idiot Seanvant, Gervase, and Colleen amble through the woods and Gervase tells them that alliances are fair game. He can talk all tough now that he's wearing the immunity idol. He says they should have voted Rudy off and then voted their conscience. Woulda shoulda coulda didn't. Colleen looks amused and says, "Right now, we have the upper hand," which shows me she didn't major in math -- or logic for that matter -- down there in Miami. Gervase says, "Always keep the upper hand, because if they try something, you can stop it," which makes more for common sense than for perfect sense. Colleen then tells us in a confessional, "We have the upper hand right now. Easy. We have four people [and] we could come together, have a vote, and get the next person off." In what alternate universe does Colleen reside? I only ask because half the male posters would like to move there.

They hike to Tribal Council, and we get a shot of a snake that could well be somewhere in the next zip code. As Peachy's ass hits the money trunk, a sound effect makes a big thud. He welcomes them and explains that the seven who don't make it to the finals will act as the jury in fifteen days. He calls out Richard once again and asks how he balances "the ruthlessness required to get to the final two with the likability needed to get the final vote." Richard says, "I'm not even exactly sure what my strategy's gonna be as to who I'm gonna vote for from week to week. I'm just gonna keep getting fish, feedin' people, hope they're happy. Cackle. Cackle." Peachy then asks Gervase the same question. He says he's "wingin' it," and that seeing the videos of families and loved ones who care for the others has made the vote harder. This seems to me like a dis on Jenna's lack of loved ones or at least a cold disregard for how such a comment might make her feel -- as if her family didn't care enough to send the tape. Peachy asks Jenna if she was surprised when Gretchen got voted off, and Jenna says that when the tribes merged, strategies shifted: "It looked like they were getting rid of leaders." She says this as if she's deduced something very tricky. She then says that if they vote her off she'll "wear it like a badge of honor." Peachy says, "Susan, straight up now tell me do you really wanna love me forever. Oh. Oh. Oh. Or are you just having fun?" No, that's not what he says. What he really says is, "Susan, straight up now tell me is it gonna be you and me forever. Oh. Oh. Oh. Or am I caught in a hit and run?" Okay, I'll stop now. Peachy really says, "Susan, straight up. Is there an alliance?" She looks over at her brain for help, but Richard can't throw his voice just yet. In what could be the worst stint of acting since Elizabeth Berkeley in Showgirls, Sue waits twenty seconds and then replies, "No. Not that I....I vote people off that I don't care for, you know, that really would irritate me if I was working with them at a job or something like that and, uh, here I got a chance to vote them off. I can get rid of 'em. It's like, yeah!" Jenna claps here, for some odd reason. Aside from the fact that Sue lies like a four-year-old, the content of the lie in itself is unbelievable. Of course, Kelly answers the same thing when Peachy calls her out. After saying, "Do I have to answer? No, I'm just kidding," she shakes her head and says, "I vote for who I don't particularly like. I vote for who I don't want to spend the next fifteen days with." Peachy turns to a beaming Colleen and asks if she would do "whatever it takes to get this money," which sounds like a proposition to me. She sweetly shakes her head no and agrees that winning isn't important enough. He asks her why she's on the island, and she says, "I mean, I'm here for the money too, I mean, I mean, give me a break -- of course." Here she looks around at the others and gestures like, "What kind of stupid question is that?" She continues: "But the thing is is that everybody's here for the money. You know, I mean, I'm not gonna listen to everybody's sob stories and then weigh them; that's ridiculous." We know what you mean.

Gervase votes for Jenna because she's missing her kids and it's "really hurtin' her" and "this is her ticket," and it of course has nothing at all to the threat he perceives from her that he told us about earlier. Colleen votes for Jenna but we get no explanation, which I'd really like to hear in light of her earlier "upper hand" comment. Idiot Seanvant votes for Greg in his is alphabet strategy and says, "I don't think this vote's gonna mean very much," and either this means he knows Greg is going, or he's sure Greg is staying, and in either case it would be nice to know. Greg votes for Jenna and says, "First time for paranoia. Second time for irritation. And third time because my ear infection is clearing up." But his brain infection, on the other hand, appears to be getting worse. Rich votes for Greg, sings a verse of Good Night Sweetheart, and then says, "No more competition. Talk to you later, Greg. Bye Bye." It's smug, but it's entertaining. Peachy reminds them that the tally is final, which makes me wonder if anyone yet has begged and screamed and tied themselves to a rattan tree to try to stay. This time Peachy shakes it up for suspense and reads three votes in row for Jenna, who giggles, then smiles, then gets serious. He sure is picking on her in this episode. Maybe she rebuffed him, too, during the Sand Pit Summit. Greg, who sits behind her, pats her back, but he should be patting himself on the back, because Peachy starts calling his name and doesn't stop. At some point, Greg stops looking like he's falling asleep and perks up. Peachy reads Greg's name for the fifth time and Greg pretends to cry, saying, "No. I don't wanna!" Colleen laughs for the last time at Greg's antics as Peachy says, "Take care, Greg." Greg baby-talks his way off the island and Talking Rudy Doll says, "I believed him for a minute." And Rich says, "You believed him, Rudy?" And Rudy says, "For a minute there. When the tears started. Look at the tears back there." For someone involved in a passionate love affair, Colleen seems pretty giggly. And poor Jenna, I just realized that now she pretty much knows no one is on her side. As they leave Tribal Council, she's talking to Colleen, but she should know that Colleen had to vote against either her or Greg. Then again, she's a Pagong. She probably thinks Colleen wrote the wrong name down by accident.

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