Survivor

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Ash Wednesday

Day 34. The rice rations are getting smaller and smaller. Rob blames Zapato for eating "too much" of their rice. Yeah, well, maybe if you had let them eat with you guys, they all would have rationed it out with you and not gone to town finishing off the half of the rice rations you gave them before you could vote them all out. Also, maybe next time you don't store your rice in a pot full of mold and maggots. Rob wants to eat some of the rice, but Ashley thinks they'll run out before the game ends if they eat now. Rob tells Grant that he doesn't trust Ashley, and Grant, of course, agrees. He thinks they should get rid of her next, pointing out that it will secure Natalie's allegiance with them. Well, yeah. Because she won't have anyone else to ally with. "She'll be too scared," Rob agrees. Oh, please. She wouldn't ally with Phillip anyway because she's already too scared of him. Also, he's annoying as hell. Witness him lying in the shelter with Natalie and Ashley lecturing them on how Grant should really have something to eat because he's their best chance to win immunity over whoever returns from Redemption Island. "Oh, I'll give up my portion of rice, then," Ashley says sarcastically. Phillip says he isn't saying she should give up her food -- just that she uses less energy and consumes fewer calories than one of the guys. Natalie actually steps up and tells Phillip not to get in their faces and speak to them in "that tone of voice." Phillip says he's done talking to them, and leaves the shelter. Ashley and Natalie complain about how Phillip thinks they shouldn't have any food because they're women. Phillip, now only wearing his pink panties, comes back and starts screaming at them for lying about him and what he said. He didn't say they shouldn't eat; he just said they need fewer calories. Which is true! Women need fewer calories than men. But then he ruins it by claiming that women only need 1,700 to the 3,600 men need. Uh, no. 3,600 calories a day if you aren't an athlete is a lot. That is like Biggest Loser territory. If you went to McDonalds and ate a Big Mac with a medium Coke and medium fries for all three meals, you still wouldn't eat 3,600 calories. Ashley and Natalie react to Phillip's science the usual way: laughing at him condescendingly. "I don't give a ... what you are!" Phillip says three times, helpfully bleeping himself so the editors won't have to.

But the fight still isn't over. Phillip says that Ashley and Natalie only argue about this stuff with him and never with Grant and Rob. Ashley says that's because Grant and Rob are normal. "Yeah, they are normal. You want something from 'em," Phillip says; "since Day One you snuggled up real nicely with them." Ooooooh! Phillip speaking the truth! Ruining everyone's game with his facts! Everyone else has to keep such things quiet and use their discretion and tact, but not Phillip! His entire game is saying whatever the hell he wants to, and has been from the start. "Get out of our faces!" Natalie requests. Why does she do that? Does she think he's going to obey her orders? Of course, Phillip says he isn't going to get out of anyone's face. In fact, he's going to jump back into the shelter and sit right next to them and -- oh, wait. His jumping in the shelter bounced Natalie out of it, which was hilarious. "Phillip, come on, dude," Grant whines. Ashley and Natalie walk away, with Ashley shouting back at Phillip that he's a psycho. Racist! Rob interviews that Phillip really is crazy. But "not the N-word crazy." And his fighting with the girls is bad for Rob, because he wants to break Natalie and Ashley up and Phillip is just bringing them closer together.

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