Survivor
Survivor

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B | 486 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Heidi, Queen of Snots

The Tam Beta Chi house is rocking as the guys return happy from the reward challenge. Dave explains in an interview how important this challenge was for the guys, because it showed their confidence and unity. They find that the promised fridge is already there waiting for them. There are twenty-three cans of Coke in it. They then sit around reading the back of the can, noting that while it tastes great, Coke doesn't have too many useful nutrients. Then they share a chuckle over the fact that the can is the only reading material they've seen lately, which is exciting in itself. I'm not sure I believe that reading occupies a huge part of these guys' time under normal circumstances, but they probably do miss beer labels. They cook a big fish on a stick over the fire, and then they all stand around and eat. Only Matthew is man enough to eat the eyeballs. "There's no 'I' in 'team,' but there's one in Matt's mouth," Rob says. Eh. Dave calls it "the perfect Survivor day." Someone belches. Okay, now it's the perfect day.

Having had such a good day, the guys need a good evening. As they sit around shooting the breeze, Rob mentions that he's big into doing karaoke in his basement. Everyone wants to hear a song, of course. He agrees, and encourages them all to sing along. He explains that it's not the same without girls around, but they'll try to enjoy it anyway. Someone (Alex?) asks him whether it's going to be Sir Mix-A-Lot's "Baby Got Back." "No," Rob says simply. Hee. Rob starts singing, and what is it? Oh, it's "You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling." Rob is not completely terrible, although his ability to remain in tune leaves plenty to be desired. Everyone else in the tribe, however, appears to be singing random notes with absolutely no connection to the song, even though they sing some of the words. In fact, I think some of these notes actually were purchased on the black market from people who steal songs and sell them for parts. I think I recognize an F-sharp from "My Baby Does The Hanky-Panky." My other favorite thing is that none of them know what comes after the first line of the song. Freakin' amateurs. How can you store the first line of a song in your brain without attaching the rest of it? That's like having a library of book covers. As they sing, Rob interviews that this is an interesting experiment in what guys will do to amuse themselves in the absence of women. And then they sing the chorus, and I swear, aside from Rob, none of these guys has any idea how the song goes, because they are awful. Awful. It's a crime against nature, this rendition of this innocent song. If you're quiet, you can hear a lot of dead singers moaning from their coffins under the earth. Butch explains in an interview that he's actually more comfortable in a tribe of just guys. Presumably, the comfort he is discussing is not of the eardrum variety. In his interview, Roger actually gives props to Rob for being "the most enthusiastic kid." Nevertheless, he also thinks Rob is "pathetic," because of the basement karaoke. Oh, come on, Roger. Have a heart. ["Yeah, Roger. Not everyone has a Homophobes' Book Club to occupy their free evenings." -- Wing Chun]

Survivor

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