Trial By Fire

Episode Report Card
Joanna: B+ | Grade It Now!
Well, hello there, Mr. Goodbar

In the tent, Jerri tells Lamber that she's going to bathe herself in chocolate when she returns; in response, Lamber says she'd like to bite into a backgammon chip because it's "like a peppermint patty." Lamber wasn't programmed -- I mean brought up -- to think about sex. She's Small Wonder Lamber. Jerri tells us in a confessional, "Right now I can actually, in my wildest fantasy, picture pouring hot chocolate all over some hot dude's bod, and having sex while licking it off at the same time." Ew. Hot chocolate? With or without the mini marshmallows? Seriously, these are details we don't need to know. Back in the tent Lamber gestures as to something chocolatey and Jerri bangs the backgammon board against her head repeatedly. But not repeatedly enough. Colby tells us he is irritated by the "moaning and groaning about Hershey kisses," and that we know what's really going on and "it ain't about the chocolate." Jerri and Lamber continue to squeal about vanilla ice cream with hot fudge "dripping all over the side" which causes more screaming and some bongo beating as well. Jerri and Lamber appear to be in competition regarding who can wear the most revealing, least practical pieces of clothing. Colby tells us the sex talk is "making for a very uncomfortable camping trip." Jerri then says in a confessional that Colby is afraid of her because the fantasy she has "about chocolate and sex definitely involves him." Maybe Colby is afraid of Jerri because she's evil. Just a thought. We then cut to another shot of Jerri and Lamber in the tent, and Jerri is beating on her bongos and shrieking that she can't take it anymore. Colby says, "I may be a lot of things but I ain't no Hershey bar," which seems to elicit laughter from the cameraman filming the confessional. Jerri and Lamber are still going on about candy bars and then Lamber yells out "meatball sub," which doesn't really involve chocolate, but Jerri screams that she loves those as well. Colby tells us, "Bring on Kucha, get rid of these goons, and let's get something going." Goons. Hee.

At Kucha camp, they discover that chicken feed is edible. Elisabeth is concerned that it's been stepped on by "other chickens," but Alicia tells us it's "true Kucha style" to utilize everything they can and that the chicken feed looks like "nuts and grains and corn and wheat and, you know, it just looked so good." It actually does look kind of good, in a nutty, grainy, corny, wheaty I'm-really-hungry-right-now sort of way. Michael burns his hands on the pan of chicken feed while discovering that it's "popping like popcorn" and then that "it IS popcorn!" Alicia comes over and says, "There's popcorn in this pan!" Michael then burns his feet and it looks like he blows on them to cool them off. It's not looking good for Michael and the burning things. Jeff says of the chicken feed, "I don't know. It's good, and I hated it. The whole thought of eating chicken feed just made me sick. But, the more I eat it the better it gets." We then see various shots of chicken feed-eating Kucha members. Jeff appears take feed directly out of Alicia's mouth -- pretty soon all the kids will be doing it. Body shots are so passé. Alicia says, "Do you love it?" and Jeff has a little orgasmic, "Oh, my God!" Alicia tells us they're addicted to the "chicken popcorn" and that they eat it in the morning, afternoon, and evening. She then says, "We're gonna find out, like, somewhere down the road that, like, something was in it and we're gonna have, like, eight nipples and lay eggs," but that until then it's so good she doesn't care about the consequences. Michael, who hasn't killed anything in a while, suggests that they kill the chickens so they don't eat anymore feed. Polly or Henrietta or Ruby looks outraged.

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