True Lies

Episode Report Card
Joanna: B+ | Grade It Now!

At Rotwo, the tribe members respond to the same clue. Tammy immediately takes control and translates the poem into a reasonable communication. She says, "There's a map here. We've got five minutes to pick one person, get them outfitted in long sleeves, pants, tennis shoes, and have them start following this map." It's an expository work of art, people. Why can't Tammy write the clues? And can she be on my Taboo team? She asks for volunteers to make the trip, and suddenly all of their feet become very interesting. A close-up of John's expression is priceless; he's clearly flummoxed trying to figure out what the obvious leader would do: volunteer, remain behind, or do more naked cannonballs? After a few awkward moments, Rob says he'll go, but first he has to remove the 100 marbles from his mouth. Seriously, he's impossible to understand here. I mean, I know he volunteered, but I have no idea what he said. Tammy doesn't seem eager to send Rob, and tries to solicit another volunteer, but they're not having it. So Tammy pats Rob's back, and then the others all shake his hand and act like he's a hero. And sure he's a hero...Italian, with ham and cheese.

We rejoin Maraanu to confirm what we already knew: Kathy will be their representative. She runs circles, packs fanatically, shouts that she'll take some mango with her, and then stalks off. Meanwhile, Rotwo readies Rob. As he walks away from the camp, he explains that he volunteered because he thought there might be a change ahead. He says he's been playing the game by taking chances, and volunteering to be Rotwo's representative is consistent with that attitude. Rob then stops two feet away from the camp and stares at his map, which is a bad sign. He doesn't flip it right side up, however, which is an even worse sign, since it means he's still looking at it upside down.

Now we see quick shots of a hut, two side-by-side cots, a few leis, and two spice jars labeled "herbs provencale" and "oregano." Hey! I saw those at Williams-Sonoma last week! Rob and Kathy approach alongside each other from slightly different angles; they're about ten feet apart, but still ignoring the other's presence. Then Peachy pops up and congratulates them for successfully reading their maps. He welcomes them to an area called a Tohua, which is a public meeting place, and explains that all-important decisions in traditional tribal life occurred there. Yeah. Clearly those decisions included things like whether the ancient tribe's new buff should be fuchsia, or more of a magenta. Peachy announces that Rob and Kathy will now serve as "ambassadors" to a very important event: the merging of the tribes. Rotwo and Maraanu no longer exist, and tonight "a new tribe will be born," making me an even stronger advocate for the right to choose. Peachy says they'll sleep under the stars on the same Paepae where rival chiefs slept five hundred years ago while "making decisions" -- yet another euphemism I hadn't yet heard. Peachy declares that by morning, they will have decided on a new name and painted the tribal flag. He then says they'll need food to think clearly, and the thirty cans of beer he'll introduce shortly will surely contribute to mental clarity. Kathy cackles and fixes her hair and Rob thinks they have a lot to talk about; then, Peachy arrives with a pizza for each of them and says, "Tell me this is not gonna be a fun night!" Rob is boyishly excited over the pizza; he's practically bobbing in his seat; meanwhile, Kathy is just typically loud. Peachy then wants to know "what would pizza be!" as he dramatically throw back the lid on a cooler to reveal a mass of Coors Light. You'd think they were gold coins -- not silver bullets -- as commotion ensues. Kathy screams and squeals and it sounds like it's been dubbed over. By Robin Williams. On crack. In a confessional, she tells us she was amazed to be sitting across from this "young buck," and she thought to herself, "I'm gonna pound beer and eat pizza with this guy?"

We see clips of eating, drinking, smirking, and the raising of eyebrows. Kathy and Rob both claim to have heard a lot about each other. Kathy then brings up the naming of the new tribe, and Rob suggests "Burmese tribe," which Kathy thinks is hysterical. In a confessional, Rob tells us he was on a "total high": he knew he was taking a chance by volunteering for the challenge, but it paid off in the end. Rob and Kathy giggle drunkenly, and Kathy says she feels bad because her "tribe people" would love pizza. Rob says he feels bad, too, and Kathy says, "You do not," to which Rob responds, "That's too bad for them."

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