Survivor

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Shamgo

Natalie goes next. With the Almighty power of JAY-sus guiding her, she pulls a rope and drops only one coconut. "You lucky little bitch," Shambo mutters to herself. It's not clear if she's talking about Natalie, herself, Probst, or if this is just some residual hate for Laura. Li'l Russell goes up and drops eight coconuts. Then Brett, his hand guided by JAY-sus, gets just one coconut, making it 19 for yellow against just 4 for purple. And Shambo is up again. She gets 10 coconuts as Li'l Russell and Jaison look disgusted, not like they did all that much better. Things start to turn around for the prayer warriors, though, as coconuts go flying everywhere when Mick releases a rope. Shambo cheers openly at purple's difficulties, because she's a bad sport. Then she actually points both fingers at the sky and says "you rock, God." Was she not paying attention? Natalie asked for God's help first. And it should be obvious to all of you that he doesn't exist just by watching an episode of Hoarders. I saw one the other week where a woman was living in a house surrounded by four-foot-high stacks of her own poop. She couldn't use the toilet, you see, because it stopped working and she had the decency not to want to call a plumber into her hellhole of a residence to fix it. So she just went in adult diapers and then tossed them on the floor along with everything else. In the end, the human waste ATE THROUGH HER BATHROOM FLOOR. And that is why god does not exist. Merry Christmas.

Anyway, Mick releases 19 coconuts in all, making the game much closer. "It's okay. You got two prayer warriors on your team," Natalie says to make him feel better. Or worse. It depends on his own personal feelings about religion, I suppose. Jaison goes next, and oops! He releases like a billion coconuts just by releasing the rope. The look on his face as they roll past him is pretty great. By the time Jaison has the rope pulled, he's dropped 48 coconuts and yellow's score is 77 to purple's 23. It looks certain that purple will win this, seeing as how Natalie is up next and she is a Prayer Warrior of the highest order. Probst says that Natalie has done well in this challenge so far. "God has taken care of me, for sure," she says. Don't talk back, Natalie. That's rude. "My prediction is 58," Shambo says to her team, who just look at her like "whatever." Whatever, indeed. We all know how crappy Shambo's psychic visions can be. Although those visions are from god, and yet, he is on Natalie's side because she asked first. WHOSE SELFISH ABUSE OF RELIGION WILL PREVAIL??

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Survivor

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