Two Peas In A Pod

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A Roll in the Sand

Suddenly, they're standing on the side of a mountain and Sean yells out, "Hello!" Two men wearing orange shorts and headdresses arrive on horseback. They introduce themselves, and one's name sounds something like "Akateeny," but he's not teeny at all. Akateeny then introduces Paschal and Sean to their rides, and Sean worries, "I gotta [sic] get the wild one!" Akateeny insists that it's okay, but Sean is concerned. He tells us in a confessional, "The only horses I been on are the merry-go-rounds at Central Park." We see Sean fussing on the horse, trying to figure out where to put his feet. He then tells us that "horses are big animals," but really, it's all relative: like, a horse is a big animal next to a mouse, but next to an elephant? Not so much. Vaudevillian music plays as we watch Sean's various horse-riding antics. He finally decides that talking to the horse might be the best approach and says, "Nice horsey. How ya doin?'"

It looks like they've finally started riding on the trail, and there's a big commotion. The horses are turning in circles and Sean is yelling in a horrified voice, "Oh, shit! He's biting' him! Oh my God!" Akateeny (by now, both men have become "Akateeny" to me) tries to calm Sean down by holding his hand, but Sean wants off the horse. The next thing we see is Sean climbing onto the back of Akateeny's horse; he wraps both arms around Akateeny's waist, and burrows his head into Akateeny's back. In an interview, Sean tells us that the last thing he wanted to see was the horses biting each other and making horse noises. He imitates said horrifying horse noises. Neigh! He tells us that the Marquesan men seemed to have the horses under control, but he was like, "No, this is not gonna work." Sean rides with his face squished into Akateeny's back. He then starts tapping on Akateeny's arm with a pained looking on his face saying, "Ma ba --", and then waits a few minutes, then says, "Ma ba --"again, then finally says, "Ma ba -- it really hurts." Even though he's in too much pain, evidently, to complete the word "balls," we determine that his balls are being squished, quite possibly under Akateeny's ass. Finally, Sean fixes the situation by adjusting himself or doing whatever it is men do when their balls are troubling them, and they ride off, with Sean still desperately clinging to Akateeny. He tells us that we have to remember that they're not on flat land, and if they fall off, "You're fallin' off a damn near mountain with a horse on you!" Hee. I don't know how much time has passed, but now Sean is on his own horse. As they ride along the trail he hysterically exclaims, "This is the kind of thing that scares me!"

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