Survivor
Two Tribes, One Camp, No Rules

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Men and Women are Both Dumb
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Dramatic music. Google Earth zoom-in on the "new" location -- it's the same as last season. Probst flies overhead in a helicopter as the new castaways are delivered to their new home in a truck. Let's meet some of the hopefuls, shall we? Young Guy in a Green Shirt says that girls love him and guys don't see him as a threat, either because he's non-athletic or because he's gay or both. He doesn't specify what exactly makes him so unthreatening. Melissa Rivers with Giant Boobs in Leopard Dress says that if one of the guys likes her, she will play him. Iron Chef thinks people will underestimate him because he's a sushi chef. Probst tells us that the castaways think they know what's about to happen, but they don't, because this season they will be divided into two tribes but live in the same camp. WHAT??? Oh, they totally already told us that in every promo for the season. That's right.

OMG, Probst thinks he is such a stud by standing on the outside of the helicopter and addressing the camera and then the helicopter totally does a hard bank right and he just chills like it's no big deal. Wow, does he love himself and his huge balls.

Probst manages to fit his giant balls back into the helicopter before it lands, and he exits. He tells the contestants to join him on the beach, and then he starts questioning them. Is he going to sing "Lose Yourself" by Eminem like he did last season? No, he really did that, just not on camera. What a twat. Anyway, he addresses a lady named Kourtney who is wearing a knit cap shaped like a penguin. My two-year-old twins have hats like that, and I wasn't even sure if it was age-appropriate for them, much less a grown lady. So she's "quirky." Her hero is probably Zooey Deschanel. Anyway, Probst asks her if she feels like she fits in with this group of people that she hasn't been allowed to speak to yet, and she says no, but she hopes to make that a good thing. She doesn't explain how she will do that and Probst doesn't ask.

Probst moves on to talk to Colton, the gay guy in the green shirt who talked earlier. He says that there are some good-looking guys, but none as good-looking as him. Note: he's not all that good looking. But that's his shtick. Probst talks to some older dude named Greg Tarzan, who plans on going by Tarzan, and Colton says he can swing from trees and get him coconuts. Everyone laughs. Don't encourage him. Uh oh... we get an interview from another older guy, who says that his name is Troyzan. No, it's not. It's Troy. This season has already exceeded it's daily allotment of goofballs and lunatics and we've only met like five contestants.

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