Probst immediately divides the new castaways into male and female tribes, and then gives them sixty seconds to grab supplies from a truck. The women don't notice that one of the men, Mike, is stealing stuff from their pile, which is really smart, although once the women figure it out, they don't think it's great. Probst sends the tribes off to their camps and WOMP WOMMMMMP there's only one camp! Which we already knew, since it's been on every preview and in every article written about the season.
The first conflict comes early; there are chickens running around camp and the men and women agree to work together to catch two, with each tribe getting one. Except one of the women (Chelsea) ends up with two chickens and instead of handing one over immediately, she decides to negotiate, which pisses the men off. The women try to get fire from the men in return for the chicken. And then they try to steal fire right in front of everyone. And then they try just asking for fire and hoping they can flirt it out of them. Next, two of the women sneak over at night while the men are sleeping and steal some fire, but they can't keep it going. Finally, Christina makes a deal that the women will weave twenty palm fronds in return for fire, which the men accept. Some of her tribemates are not happy, because she seems to be making alliances with the men.
Also, Colton the Gay (that's practically how they chyron him) would rather hang out with the ladies than the men, although he tells Matt the Dickhead Lawyer that he'll serve as a go-between/spy.
Sabrina finds a Hidden Immunity Idol, but it's pre-designated for the men's tribe, so she has to give it to one of them. She gives it to Colton, because they all know that he'll be the first voted off, which is SO DUMB. He is not someone you need as an ally and giving him the Idol isn't going to win you any favors.
The Challenge is a very basic obstacle course, with the winning tribe getting immunity and flint, and the losers going to Tribal Council. Courtney lands poorly when jumping onto a net and hurts her wrist badly enough that they have to pull her out of the game and do an X-ray. The men are way ahead when this happens. Probst gives them the option that either the women can forfeit, or if the men want, they can finish the challenge and let the chips fall where they may. The men choose to take immunity and the women call their manhood into question for it, like assholes. I mean, I guess it's good strategy to do that, but of COURSE the men are going to take immunity. Why wouldn't they? And who can blame them?
At Tribal Council, Christina (who comes off as kind of a bully) and Alicia (who comes off as kind of a dummy) get in a fight over what happened with the men to get fire, like a yelling and screaming match. Yikes. Probst tells them that Courtney broke her wrist in a few places and needs surgery, so she's out of the game, and they don't need to vote anyone out tonight. Probst gives them a little lecture about getting some structure for their tribe and pulling together, gives them flint, pats them all on their heads, and sends them off.
Dramatic music. Google Earth zoom-in on the "new" location -- it's the same as last season. Probst flies overhead in a helicopter as the new castaways are delivered to their new home in a truck. Let's meet some of the hopefuls, shall we? Young Guy in a Green Shirt says that girls love him and guys don't see him as a threat, either because he's non-athletic or because he's gay or both. He doesn't specify what exactly makes him so unthreatening. Melissa Rivers with Giant Boobs in Leopard Dress says that if one of the guys likes her, she will play him. Iron Chef thinks people will underestimate him because he's a sushi chef. Probst tells us that the castaways think they know what's about to happen, but they don't, because this season they will be divided into two tribes but live in the same camp. WHAT??? Oh, they totally already told us that in every promo for the season. That's right.
OMG, Probst thinks he is such a stud by standing on the outside of the helicopter and addressing the camera and then the helicopter totally does a hard bank right and he just chills like it's no big deal. Wow, does he love himself and his huge balls.
Probst manages to fit his giant balls back into the helicopter before it lands, and he exits. He tells the contestants to join him on the beach, and then he starts questioning them. Is he going to sing "Lose Yourself" by Eminem like he did last season? No, he really did that, just not on camera. What a twat. Anyway, he addresses a lady named Kourtney who is wearing a knit cap shaped like a penguin. My two-year-old twins have hats like that, and I wasn't even sure if it was age-appropriate for them, much less a grown lady. So she's "quirky." Her hero is probably Zooey Deschanel. Anyway, Probst asks her if she feels like she fits in with this group of people that she hasn't been allowed to speak to yet, and she says no, but she hopes to make that a good thing. She doesn't explain how she will do that and Probst doesn't ask.
Probst moves on to talk to Colton, the gay guy in the green shirt who talked earlier. He says that there are some good-looking guys, but none as good-looking as him. Note: he's not all that good looking. But that's his shtick. Probst talks to some older dude named Greg Tarzan, who plans on going by Tarzan, and Colton says he can swing from trees and get him coconuts. Everyone laughs. Don't encourage him. Uh oh... we get an interview from another older guy, who says that his name is Troyzan. No, it's not. It's Troy. This season has already exceeded it's daily allotment of goofballs and lunatics and we've only met like five contestants.