Survivor
Survivor

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B | 456 USERS: C+
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Strangers In A Train Wreck

Andrew asks Lill, in light of all this wisdom, how she'll feel if she's voted off. "Very, very resentful," she says. HA! Yeah, that speech worked wonders. Hee hee. Andrew tells Lill that he and his posse will go talk more, and that he'll let her know later what the deal is. She gives him credit for having "the balls just to talk to [her]." (Troop at home: "Oooooooh.") He tells her that it's cool, baby -- she's been "an unbelievable asset" (bleh) and he thinks he owes her the truth. Oh. How. Touching. Insert slow, sarcastic clapping right about here.

Meanwhile, Tijuana and Darrah take a stroll on the beach. Tijuana tells Darrah that she may be on the block, and Darrah's basic reaction is, "Oh." Darrah also takes a broad slam at Lill, saying she won't "whine and mope around like she's doing." These people suck.

Tijuana and Andrew talk about their daunting task of separating the worthy from the unworthy, and Andrew interviews that it all comes down to whether Darrah "has earned her spot in our tribe." I find that a fascinating perspective, given that I don't think Andrew has "earned" a spot on the late-night cleaning crew at a fertilizer factory, but that's just me. Why does it occur to no one that when you lose five consecutive challenges and have a camp that looks like a fungal colony growing inside a pair of shower shoes, the kind of leadership you're receiving might have something to do with your problems? Why does it occur to no one that Andrew is giving out bad advice?

Anyway, menacing clouds speed by on time-lapse-cam as the time comes for tribal council. The pathetic dregs of the Morgan tribe traipse up to the tribal council area. And there they encounter my new boyfriend, Jeff "Peachy" Probst. Yeah, go ahead and mock. I fear no ridicule. Every time he looks at these people like he can barely keep from laughing, he burrows a little more deeply into my heart. As if to prove my point, as Morgan sits down around the fire, the Peach grins at them. "Welcome to another windy tribal council," he says. He continues grinning as he says, "As of now, you're one of the losing-est tribes ever, and, with many more challenges to go, chances are, you may set a record that won't be broken." He turns to Tijuana. "Is the Drake tribe simply a better tribe?" "No, they're not," she says. "I think we have a better tribe." Even Andrew looks like he might throw up at this. Tijuana says that they just need to take their incredibly awesome tribe and start "coming together when it comes time for challenge time." Oh, I get it. They just need to be as awesome during challenges as they are when they're licking the inside of snail shells to try to get some water and protein, or when they're sleeping with pieces of bamboo sticking into their eardrums. The Peach takes this for what it is and turns to Ryan-O: "Is this tribe really unified and focused?" Ryan-O says yeah, they're focused; it's just "one of those things." One of those failure, sucking, loser things, presumably. He says that they've "gotta get over a hump." He goes on saying that Morgan is "gonna get a win -- it's inevitable." Peachy cocks his head and grins. "Really?" Hee. Ryan-O says that Osten was awesome at the last challenge. Oh, totally. After all, he came in second. That's only one spot behind first. Peachy turns to Osten, asking him how things are going. He thinks that "everybody goes through a slump." And, you know, loses five challenges in a row. And eats sand for lunch.

Survivor

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