United We Stand, Divided We…?

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B- | Grade It Now!
Strangers In A Train Wreck

Cheery lute-like music takes us back to Camp Drake, a.k.a. Happytown, where we actually open on Big Dolphin and Baby Dolphin skimming through the water side by side. Could things be any more idyllic over at Happytown? Where are the cartoon bluebirds alighting on the shoulders of the participants? Where are the giant rattan baskets of fruit and cream? Where are the dancing girls? Anyway, Drake is eating breakfast while discussing whether to take a trip out in the boat to look for the buried treasure. Rupert is hoping for a big bottle of rum. Yo-ho-ho and all that. Burton explains to us that the map/clue to the treasure chest makes reference to leaving at the right time, so they're all thinking that means low tide, which is "the only way time affects things around here." Accordingly, most of Drake goes off in the boat at low tide to treasure-hunt. Michelle explains that they went out in search of landmarks, but the more they looked around, the more places they found where something could be hidden. As we see a lot of what looks like rather random digging, Trish interviews that she wants to find the treasure very badly. She says that it's very frustrating to know that they might be missing out on "warm clothes or junk food." Aw. I've certainly been comforted by a flannel shirt and a Hershey bar on occasion, so I get that. A high, wide, very pretty shot of Shawn standing on a flat expanse of rock demonstrates just how unlikely it is that they're going to find this thing before the show is good and ready to have them find it, which presumably isn't until they get the third clue.

The members of Drake do a lot of digging, nevertheless, with very little to go on. Rupert complains in an interview that the "tribe went out half-cocked." He continues down the road of taking the pirate thing just a little too seriously as he says that "pirates were not idiots," so obviously the treasure won't be buried in the sand, because it might wash back up. I'm wondering whether Rupert is as tuned-in as he should be to the fact that the pirate thing really is just a gimmick. The producers aren't real pirates or anything like that. He's beginning to creep me out. Anyway, Drake finally gives up the futile search and returns to camp. Boy, that was riveting television. Interestingly, that little bit of nothing is one of the few times you're going to see Drake at all this week, so take in all you can.

Camp of the Damned. Tijuana is retrieving another piece of "treemail." She happily chirps out the crappy rhyming clue, which has something to do with floating and sinking and boats and blah dee blah. I can't understand why they always construct the doggerel so badly that all the sentences have to be rearranged like they've been run through an English-to-Yoda translator. Has there ever been a piece of treemail that didn't involve writing a sentence backwards in that "If want [good result] you do, then the [direct object] you must [verb], else [bad result] is sure to follow" fashion? The team has a little discussion about the fact that if they don't win, Drake is going to take one of the two or three things they have left. Also, they're excited that the clue makes it sound like the reward might include sleeping gear, which would come in handy, considering that they have apparently still not managed to get the shelter into a condition in which people can actually sleep. That is insane. The life of a survivor is just not that busy. It's not like they have to go grocery shopping and return books to the library. There is no way they should have gone six nights without getting the sleeping quarters into a reasonable semblance of shape. They suck. And as they say, a fish rots from the head down, Andrew.

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