Survivor

Episode Report Card
Sara M: B- | 1091 USERS: B
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Elephant Dung: A Love/Hate Story

Randy is a videographer and looks to be our way-too-intense old guy for this season. He tells us that although he edits wedding videos, he's not a big fan of marriage and had better win the million dollars because I can't see many more jobs coming his way now that this has been shown to a national audience. Ace claims to be a photographer although I think it's more like he takes a few pictures with the ridiculously expensive camera his parents bought him, doesn't sell any, and then lives off of their money. I think this even though his bio claims he hasn't taken a penny from his parents since he was 18. The guy has worked a string of odd jobs I'm sure his parents got him with their connections, like selling Porsches. He doesn't know anything about the value of money or working to earn it. Crystal claims to be a preschool teacher and a full-time mom, so take THAT, Susie! She doesn't see the need to reveal that she's an Olympic gold medalist at this particular time but her name graphic calls her an "Olympic Champion," so take THAT, Crystal's kid! Olympic champion > Mom. I have a feeling her fellow contestants are going to figure out something's up during the first physical event when she breezes past everyone including the male models. And here's Kelly, an assistant manager/buyer "for one of the high-end retail stores ... in Chicago." Fall into The Gap, Kelly. And there's Corinne, our obligatory pharmaceutical sales rep. I hate pharmaceutical sales reps. I think they are the face of evil with their little suitcases on wheels and their tablet PCs and their bribing doctors to prescribe their product made by a company that will put all the time, effort, and money in the world into developing a hard penis pill while people are still dying from cancer. And Corinne is your typical pharmaceutical sales rep, as she says she'll say hi to everyone's faces, but she's ready to be a total bitch and hurt feelings and laugh in crying people's faces. "And I'm gonna OWN it!" she says. The ones who talk the toughest are the ones who fall first. Let us all remember Natalie last season, who waited until she had silently advanced far into the game before revealing her true nature, to both her fellow contestants and the camera.

Survivor

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