Survivor

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Elephant Dung: A Love/Hate Story

Over at Fang, I'm grateful to say that Randy has managed to keep his dick in his underwear, but he can't conceal his dickish attitude as he literally shoves Gillian out of the way so he can push the boulder. And then Probst, the biggest dick of all, has to point out that Gillian isn't helping her team as if that's her fault.

Kota lifts Bob onto the boulder to untie the keys. Ken does the same for Fang, although he appears to be a bit slower. Both teams head down a hill, and Fang rams their boulder into Kota's, knocking them off course. This gets them a small lead, but Probst does not say anything positive about Fang because he hates them so much. He happily points out when Bob's quick key untying skills gets Kota the lead again, though.

Both teams approach the gate and start working the locks. They have six keys for three locks. "How lucky are you?" Probst says. "Lucky!" Randy responds. Uh, Randy? I think that was rhetorical. Also, you're wrong. You are not lucky. Look at you. Look at your attitude. Not lucky. Of course, Kota gets their gate open first and although they have some trouble getting the boulder on the pedestal, they win. While various members of Fang slump in defeat, Probst actually gives them some semi-positive words: "much different [than] the last challenge, guys -- you were right there." Gosh, thanks, Coach Probst! Shut up.

Kota decides to send Dan to Exile Island. Probst gives him a map and sends him off. He says he'll see Fang at Tribal Council tomorrow and kicks them out. Armed with fishing gear, Kota gets the slow-motion victory walk back to camp.

Unsurprisingly, Charlie says he was "so excited!" when they won the fishing gear reward. Marcus decides to do the Kota Dance, and it is not good idea and should stop immediately. Charlie says he was "expecting the worst" from this game, but so far it's "ten times better" than his real life. Which is very, very sad and goes a long way towards explaining why Charlie is the way he is. This is a guy who is so used to rejection that he pees his pants when someone offers him even the slightest hint of a friendship. "This is totally fun," he concludes. Meanwhile, Bob has something actually useful to add to the tribe as he starts unpacking the gear to do some fishing. The editors would have you believe he nearly snares a hippo in his fishing net. Of course, Marcus the Perfect catches the first fish, and Charlie is right by his side. That's the first time I've ever seen someone catch a fish using a homemade fishing pole, I must say. And I went to camp, where every year, we had to make fishing rods with stick and safety pins. I never saw anyone come close to catching anything. I wonder if Survivor stocked this lake with fish before the teams arrived? Ace catches a fish as well, and Jacquie says she doesn't "envision" their team losing ever. Overconfidence can be a killer, Jacquie.

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Survivor

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