Randy is a videographer and looks to be our way-too-intense old guy for this season. He tells us that although he edits wedding videos, he's not a big fan of marriage and had better win the million dollars because I can't see many more jobs coming his way now that this has been shown to a national audience. Ace claims to be a photographer although I think it's more like he takes a few pictures with the ridiculously expensive camera his parents bought him, doesn't sell any, and then lives off of their money. I think this even though his bio claims he hasn't taken a penny from his parents since he was 18. The guy has worked a string of odd jobs I'm sure his parents got him with their connections, like selling Porsches. He doesn't know anything about the value of money or working to earn it. Crystal claims to be a preschool teacher and a full-time mom, so take THAT, Susie! She doesn't see the need to reveal that she's an Olympic gold medalist at this particular time but her name graphic calls her an "Olympic Champion," so take THAT, Crystal's kid! Olympic champion > Mom. I have a feeling her fellow contestants are going to figure out something's up during the first physical event when she breezes past everyone including the male models. And here's Kelly, an assistant manager/buyer "for one of the high-end retail stores ... in Chicago." Fall into The Gap, Kelly. And there's Corinne, our obligatory pharmaceutical sales rep. I hate pharmaceutical sales reps. I think they are the face of evil with their little suitcases on wheels and their tablet PCs and their bribing doctors to prescribe their product made by a company that will put all the time, effort, and money in the world into developing a hard penis pill while people are still dying from cancer. And Corinne is your typical pharmaceutical sales rep, as she says she'll say hi to everyone's faces, but she's ready to be a total bitch and hurt feelings and laugh in crying people's faces. "And I'm gonna OWN it!" she says. The ones who talk the toughest are the ones who fall first. Let us all remember Natalie last season, who waited until she had silently advanced far into the game before revealing her true nature, to both her fellow contestants and the camera.
Dan was a lawyer for five years but is now "finding [him]self," a.k.a. unemployed and directionless. Probst can't let that one slide: "you're gonna have thirty-nine days to find yourself out here -- if you're lucky," he says. Dan giggles. Michelle says she "work[s] in film" and "help[s] music supervisors and editors." So, she's a PA. No shame in that, Michelle, but just admit it. I was a PA once, and I was proud. Not necessarily of the movie that came out of my hard work, but of the work itself. Sugar, which can't be her real name, is a "retro pin-up model." Ah -- I see from her bio that her real name is in fact Jessica. If I had to introduce myself as a "retro pin-up model," I probably wouldn't want to use my real name, either. I'd definitely think of something cooler and less generic than Sugar, though. Like NO FEAR. That would be a bad-ass pin-up girl nickname. Gillian is a wife, mother, grandmother of four and a nurse. And she said the wife/mother stuff before her job, so take THAT, Susie and Crystal. Ace laughs at this because it's funny when people have to work for a living. Gillian also has an accent that I couldn't quite place so I looked it up. She's originally from South Africa. I'm always suspicious of South Africans over a certain age because of their country's history of racism, but Gillian's been in America for a long time so I'm going to assume that she's cool and does not support apartheid. At least her accent is genuine.