Survivor

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Elephant Dung: A Love/Hate Story

Sugar proves to be a total ditz in her interview, as she says she's "excited (giggle giggle)" but there's "really wild animals out here (giggle giggle)" and "this is really Africa (giggle)!" Ugh. She is smart enough to decide she won't be going anywhere near the lake which is probably full of horrible African things like super leeches and snakes although the editors want us to believe it's full of hippos. The group decides to get the roofs on their huts all sealed up before it starts to rain. Bob immediately jumps on top of one of the huts and basically does all the work himself because he's amazing. Corinne says great things about Bob, and where did her "I'm going to rip everyone to pieces" attitude go? Meanwhile, Bob has a pretty good body going for a fifty-seven-year-old. It must be so weird to be one of his students and seeing this right now. Sugar and/or Jacquie thinks she's helping by cheering Bob on annoyingly. "He's fifty-seven years old and he's awesome," Corinne concludes. Okay, I might like her after all.

Bob interviews that doing all this stuff around camp is second nature to him because he's "from Maine." "That's all we do in Maine," he says. Um, yeah, well, Julie from Vanuatu was from Maine, too, and she never did shit. And I worked on that season, so I saw all the footage. Not a thing. Except one time when she and Eliza stole one of the group's melons only for it to be too rotten to eat inside. While the rest of the team watches, Bob goes and makes a freaking bench out of vines and sticks. Ace the Prat begrudgingly admits that it's a decent bench while the ladies swoon. Swoon over Bob, not Ace.

Fang comes upon their camp and are similarly thrilled to find huts waiting for them. Gillian gets the group together and makes fun of Probst, saying that "according to some people" they "sucked," but she disagrees. She thinks they're "awesome" and it's important that they keep a positive attitude. She says there's an "African word for 'fierce,'" although I think we all know (and, being from South Africa, Gillian must know as well) that thousands of dialects are spoken in Africa, so there is no one African language. Also, I thought .America's Next Top Model had a trademark on the word "fierce" when it comes to reality shows. Gillian tells us she's all about having a positive attitude and hopes if she can keep that up, the rest of her tribe will forget how much she sucked in the first challenge. Nice try, but I'll bet they'll remember every mealtime that they aren't eating corn and beans. Gillian immediately shows off her "I read too many survival manuals and watched too much Man Vs. Wild" know-how by telling people to be on the lookout for elephant shit because it burns well. This earns the disgust of Randy, although I don't think it takes much to do that.

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Survivor

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