Survivor

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Elephant Dung: A Love/Hate Story

Despite the rest of the tribe's obvious disinterest in elephant dung, Gillian keeps at it, and even finds some while looking for firewood with Susie, which she immediately gathers up in her hands and takes back to the camp with her, holding it aloft like a prize. She offers to show it off to anyone who's interested. Shockingly, no one is interested. Psst! Hey, Gillian? Here's the thing. Elephants are cool. Elephant shit is shit, and no one wants any part of it no matter how well it burns. But Gillian persists, dumping it on the ground to show everyone how "interesting" it is. "Wanna see my dung?" Dan jokes. Heh. Get a clue, Gillian. You're grossing everyone out. But it gets worse! She picks through it looking for "something edible" the elephant might have forgotten to digest! "Don't even think about that!" Dan begs, trying to be nice. "You first," Randy says, pure hatred on his face. Randy's kind of scary. Randy tells us that he has decided that Gillian is annoying and so busy trying to look busy that "she's not accomplishing crap." Bad choice of words, Randy -- crap is actually the one thing Gillian has accomplished.

Meanwhile, Ken and Michelle have gone off for their own "I read too many survival manuals" walk. Ken finds a termite nest and dares Michelle to eat some for protein. You guys have been out here for all of three minutes. You can't possibly be that hungry. Ken interviews that since he's a video gamer, people will think he's a stereotypical anti-social nerd and that won't win him any points with the ladies. You know what really doesn't win you any points with the ladies, Ken? Telling them it would be "hot" if they ate a termite. And yet, Michelle eats the termite. She waits until Ken is turned away before she does it, though, so maybe she palmed it or something. Already we see an unfortunate side effect of bug-eating: Michelle has a strange rash on her left boob. Oh, I'm sorry -- that's just the Survivor over zealous censoring machine, all rested up from last season and back with a vengeance.

The producers somehow convinced poor Ken to confess that the last girl he kissed was in high school, four or five years ago. Back with Michelle, he tells her she ate "the Queen termite." Ken interviews that being in Gabon with "a girl that you are attracted to is a very special moment in life" and since both he and Michelle are single, "you never know. Perhaps a romance could start." Actually I do know, and no, it couldn't. Michelle is only talking to Ken because she hates everyone else more. And with that, Ken impresses his lady love by tripping over something and almost falling on his face. Aw, that's mean, editors!

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Survivor

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