Survivor

Episode Report Card
Sara M: B- | Grade It Now!
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Women Are Useless And/Or Bitchy

Probst calls go, and blindfolded hijinks ensue. People walk into each other, stumble around, and, at some point, collect the coffee bags. Zapato quickly gets three bags, while Onomatopoeia is the first to get a bag onto the puzzle table. Sarita tries to get her bag back as well, but it's difficult when Stephanie's attempts to lead her to the table are constantly interrupted by Ralph screaming for instructions. He refuses to obey Stephanie's orders to be patient and shut up, but Sarita and Krista are somehow able to get their bags on the table anyway. Mike gets a third bag back, while Onomatopoeia is just behind with two bags on the table. Meanwhile, Ralph and David are calling out to Stephanie, although Ralph is much more annoying. "Wait 'til I address you!" Stephanie tells Ralph, tragically using a big word like "address" that Ralph cannot possibly understand.

Onomatopoeia get their third bag back, tying it up. Stephanie finally tells Ralph it's his turn to receive instructions. "Move to your left!" she says. Ralph moves to his right. "YOUR OTHER LEFT!" Stephanie shrieks. You know, it's hard to feel sorry for her because she is so unpleasant and has such poor taste in allies, but I did feel a twinge of sympathy for her here. Meanwhile, Grant gets Onomatopoeia's fourth and final bag. Ralph does too, somehow, and makes his way back to the table as Rob starts on the puzzle. Krista grabs the bag from Ralph and slams it on the table, allowing Stephanie to start the puzzle as well. Probst sings Rob's praises, saying he has a time advantage and is one of the best puzzle-solvers in the history of ever just as Rob stupidly knocks a letter tile on the ground without realizing it. Stephanie manages to get all of her letter tiles without dropping any on the ground and does it before Rob can get all of his bags open, putting her tribe back in the lead. She also, it appears, figures out the final word of the phrase, "victory," which bodes very well for her tribe. Meanwhile, Rob hasn't managed to spell out any words, but he did realize that he was missing a tile, so that's good. Suddenly, Rob gets a flash of brilliance and figures out three of the five words: victory, the, and of. Stephanie's tribemates cheer her on. "Shut up," she mutters. So, instead of cheering her on, they decide to whisper to each other about how David should have been the caller instead of Stephanie. Rob finally figures out the last two words and spells out "the sweet taste of victory." Probst proclaims him the winner, and his tribe runs over to embrace him while Zapato continue to blame their loss on David not being the caller and puzzle solver. A vulture buzzard thing symbolically lands near Krista and picks at a dead fish.

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Survivor

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