Well, it's finally here: this boring season that never quite delivered on its crazy contestant potential is almost over. Jud has to win every immunity challenge to stick around, so he does. He wins the first one despite falling behind early on because Chase, Sash, and Holly can't solve an easy puzzle even with a big head start. Back at camp, he rallies to get rid of Holly instead of Dan, which is pretty smart since who wouldn't want to take Dan to the end over Holly? Well, Sash and Chase, apparently, since they decide to stick with their a lly and get rid of Dan, who comes to life in his farewell speech and hates on everyone except Jud. So bitter, but yet, so awesome and so unexpected. Then, after the usual silly fallen tribemates walk that includes special quitter nameplates for Naonka and the other Kelly, the Final Four head in to the Final Immunity Challenge, where they must balance an ever-growing stack of crappy uneven (and not uniformly so, which is no doubt unfair to whichever contestant happened to get the less flat ones) doubloons. There are a few scary moments when Jud nearly loses it, but he ends up beating the other alliance and relishing watching them scramble to stay in the game and win his vote when they return to camp. Ultimately, Jud sees right through sleazy Sash and respects Holly's honesty and the fact that she's the only person left who didn't lie to him in the game, but those are also excellent reasons not to let her get anywhere near the Final Tribal, so the three guys vote her out.
And so, our Final Three are Jud, Chase, and Sash. Chase and Sash are stuck scrambling to win angry jury members over at the Final Tribal, while Jud is pretty much ignored because he is obviously going to win. As soon as he won that last immunity challenge, he won the million. And, after some predictably bitter speeches from Jane and Dan and a less predictable strong and decisive performance from Chase, Jud does just that, winning with five votes to Chase's (!!) four (!!!). As for Sash, he doesn't get any votes from anyone.
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I'd just like to thank the sport of football for the Sunday afternoon game running over time and pushing 60 Minutes back, thus forcing me to not only watch Andy Rooney's segment that I'd prefer to avoid, but also to watch it on my parents' glorious HDTV, as I'm currently at their house for the holidays. Yuck. Speaking of cranky old people, Jane was voted out the other day. But enough about that, Probst says! Let's go back to the beginning and how no one could have ever guessed that our Final Five would be Dan, Holly, Sash, Jud, and Chase. Way to assume, Probst. How do you know no one ever imagined them in the Final Five? Who else would we have imagined there in their place? Jimmy Johnson? The girl with one leg who everyone swore up and down to vote out ASAP? That crazy lady who threw Dan's shoes in the ocean? Oh, wait - I guess she did make it to the Final Five.
Probst launches into a hatefest on Dan and his challenge terribleness, as if that's the measure of a good Survivor contestant. Since Dan is in the Final Five, it clearly is not. Probst uses the word "improbable" several times (between that and "indecisiveness," which Probst said like five times in last week's previously on segment, I think someone needs to buy him a thesaurus) to describe Holly's journey, being sure to mention that it is only because of the blessed Jimmy Johnson that she stayed in this game, which is probably the only reason why Probst likes Holly in the first place. Probst then dwells on Chase's backstabbing ways and how everyone hates him for them, when really only Jane hates him. The other jurors probably don't respect him and think he's an idiot, but that's not the same as saying they're mad at him. Probst says Sash was a "dead man walking" after Brenda was voted out and his allies quit, which I still maintain he was not. Naonka and the other Kelly leaving only helped him, because it made him the crucial swing vote. And finally, there's Jud, who is screwed if he doesn't win immunity and might be a secret genius. Might be. I don't think we'll ever know for sure. Anyway, I'm cheering for Holly. I think she played the best game out of all of these people, which isn't saying much since none of them played at all except for Sash, who probably played too much. Also, when Holly wasn't playing the best game, she was playing the worst game, and she still made it, so that's pretty damn impressive.
Dan uses a rusty, half-burnt machete blade to carve another notch in a tree to mark Day 37. "Unbelievable," he says. Dan is as surprised as anyone to find himself still in this game. While the three allies go off and do ally things together, Jud hangs out with Dan and tries to think of a way to break them up, which is their only chance at this point and probably should have been attempted weeks ago. Dan doesn't understand why Holly is still in this game when it should be a "no-brainer" to vote her out. Holly appears on the scene and Jud apologizes to her for being in a bad mood today, saying he suddenly realizes that he's in a terrible position in this game right now and it's bumming him out a little bit. "It's anybody's game," she says. "Do you wanna go to the Final Three with me?" he asks. "What about me?" Dan asks. Guys, this is not how to do this. Either make a real attempt or don't make one at all. But don't half-ass it like two weeks too late. Now it's just really awkward. Holly is not Sash, so she doesn't agree to align with either of them. Jud says he's going to "go out fighting." Except not really, since his only plan right now is to hope he wins immunity. He interviews that he is playing the game more than his "be cool" attitude makes it seem.