Survivor

Episode Report Card
Sara M: C | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
Jud The Stud

And then the tribes merged into Libertad and Alina got voted off. Sash blows some smoke up her ass about how she was one of the best competitors in the game or whatever and she says she was happy to be eliminated because she was a threat rather than because she was dispensable. I don't know why it can't be both. And Marty, who Jud remembers fondly as someone who always had a master plan. Too bad the producers had a master plan, too, and totally screwed him over. Marty says he expected to do a lot of lying, cheating, and stealing in this game, but ended up playing pretty honestly, which he loves. Sash has kind words for Brenda, who he calls a "great strategist" and "almost a mastermind." Not completely a mastermind, though, as I'm sure Sash considers himself to be that. We get plenty of shots of Brenda in her bikini as she says she's proud of how she stayed so focused in this game and thinks she came out of it "a new person."

Uh oh! Now we have the torches of our two quitters. Because the producers still hate them for it (though not enough to make their actions have actual consequences) they painted their little shields black and put big X's on them. Very mature. And, of course, no one has anything good to say about Naonka. Holly shakes her head at Naonka's quitter attitude, and Sash says she was "definitely disappointing." And the editors are sure to include Naonka's worst moments in her montage, juxtaposing the footage of her wrestling a woman with one leg with her voiceover claiming that she was "always friendly," which is pretty funny. She also thinks that she was "the smartest player in the game ... and the craziest!" No and ... no, actually. I think there were crazier people around, amazingly enough. Naonka might be the meanest and most selfish, though. But definitely and by far not the smartest. Why is it that really stupid always think they're so smart? I don't get it. The other Kelly's shield actual has her name down as "Purple Kelly." The four stare at it and again disapprove of her quitting ways. It would have been awesome if they'd just cut to the next torch right here and not even given her a montage or voiceover, but they don't. We see the three shots that consisted of all of the other Kelly's camera time this season again as she says it's going to be tough for her to go home and have her friends and family see her as a quitter. Little does she know that they won't actually see her at all.

Ben pats himself on the back, saying that the others were smart to get rid of him because he would have won all the rest of the individual immunities and thus won his way to the Final Three. "Unless there were some puzzles involved," he adds. Yeah, or unless Jane was competing in them, seeing as how she beat him. Twice. Speaking of Jane, she's next. Wow, what are they going to say about her after she was so horrible to them at the end there? I guess Chase still likes her, as he says that if this game was about who worked the hardest, Jane would have won the million. But it's not, so she didn't. And yes, she mentions North Freaking Carolina in her short voiceover. If she does that and Dan, who's the last torch up there, doesn't talk about New York, I will eat my computer. Sure enough, after the Final Four (three of whom are apparently not aware of how much Dan hates them) say kind words for Dan, he reminds us that he is a "city boy" and this experience taught him not to be "such a bee-yotch" and be less spoiled. I'm sure his mob underlings will appreciate that. After they're done carrying out all those hits on various contestants he ordered. Awesomely, they end Dan's voiceover with him just randomly saying "New York." Seriously, he said "I think I'm gonna be a lot less spoiled when I get back. New York." And with that, the Final Four reach the top of the hill and throw the wooden shields into a firepit after some BS about the people who helped them make it to the end. They group hug around the tiny little fire as Jud interviews, once again, that he has to win the next challenge.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20Next

Survivor

Comments

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP