Survivor
What The…?, Part I

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B+ | 1 USERS: A+
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The Pecs Take A Powder

Now, in an interview, we get to see the little tiny recesses of Jon's little tiny brain, which is -- surprisingly enough -- even pettier than you'd think. "You know why those guys were so excited about winning?" he says. "Because they're a bunch of losers, and they got a second chance at life. If you're a winner, you don't have to through the second chance game. So...they're used to that. Their entire lives, they've been losers. This is no different." You know, it genuinely is hard to find the words for what a little prick Jon is. I'm not even bothering with the "how would he know if they're losers" debate, or the "takes one to know one" potshot, or the "nice hideous chest full of pustules, WINNER" sucker-punch. We'll just wait to see how Jon does. I'm assuming that unless he wins the million dollars, he'll be ready to admit that he's just as much of a loser as he's now saying the Outcasts are. Moreover, I almost forgot to remind him that the only reason he has to deal with any of them in the first place is that his tribe went to a challenge and, you know, lost.

Sandra asks the tribe back at camp who wants to go home. No one volunteers. In an interview, Rupert says that he's not vulnerable tonight. You know, opening Jon-fight aside, I'm so very relieved that they finally made an episode that isn't entirely The Story Of Rupert. Because The Story Of Rupert has been going on for weeks now, and I for one was ready for something else. Anyway, Rupert says that Jon and Shawn are the ones who are vulnerable tonight. He goes on to muse that even though Jon's the one who voted for him last time, he hasn't decided whom he's going with this time. He, Sandra, and Christa have a little meeting and talk over which one of the two guys they're going to boot. Sandra suggests that the three of them ask each of the two guys to give reasons why he shouldn't be booted -- it's a "we could make them beg" moment, basically. Which is an understandable instinct, but awfully small and petty and coming from people who have been nothing but small and petty for several weeks now. Sandra and Rupert are terribly amused by this idea of making the boys beg, because they're both...well, small and petty, evidently.

Up on the beach, Rupert gathers the guys and tells them that he hasn't decided which of them to send home, so they should each make an argument for themselves. As the Eagle-Eyed Forum Posters pointed out, he's saying, "Dance for me, sucker." "No fighting -- two minutes, and we're leaving in five," Sandra pronounces. Like...you know, a total bitch. As has been said before, some people handle power gracefully, and some people turn into raging assholes. And the Drake Arrogant Asshole Express, with Rupert up in front wearing his little engineer hat, is steaming down the tracks as we speak. Shawn and Jon both make lame arguments in their own favor that they know don't matter; I almost wish one of them had just said, "You know what? If you're going to vote for me, vote for me, but if you think I'm going to stand around and kiss your ass, you can fuck right off." That's what I'd like to think I would have done. Anyway, Shawn says "you can't mess with [him] for long before [he'll] come back and getcha." That is very menacing, indeed. Predictably, Jon claims in his speech to be "a much harder worker." He doesn't even mention that he's a much bigger jackass. I would think that quality would be hard to ignore, and considering the way the rest of his tribe is acting, you'd think they might see it as a plus. In an interview, Jon expresses his hope that Rupert will "forgive and forget" over the last tribal council, but he's not sure, because he knows that Rupert is still unhappy. I guess he could tell from the part where Rupert almost killed him. He's a perceptive boy.

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Survivor

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