Survivor
What The…?, Part II

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
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Andrew's Own Medicine Tastes Terrible

Jeff reminds the tribe that there are now three tribe members they don't have the option of voting for. Can't vote for Lill, can't vote for Burton, can't vote for Rupert. Rupert beams. He is so proud. He and Burton have a bond, I tell you! A bond! Anyway, it's time to go vote at last.

Andrew is the first to vote. Unsurprisingly, he votes for Jon. "Little Jon," he says, "you talk too much smack." It's too bad that I can't enjoy that statement from Andrew very much as a result of intensely hating him. Burton votes, Rupert votes, and then Jon votes. Unsurprisingly, Jon uses Andrew's "Savage" moniker as an excuse for yet another pro-wrestling-inspired bit of business before he drops his paper in the pot. I really don't want to talk about it any more than necessary, because it's more than a little sickness-inducing. Darrah votes. Ryan-O votes. Christa votes for Andrew: "You're our biggest threat out here...bye." You know, Christa has a relatively agreeable personality compared to noisy buffoons like Rupert, but there's something about the way she always gives that little "bye" when she votes that just makes me want to see her get booted. Her whole manner is just very, very arrogant and overconfident. It does appear that the remainder of Drake is going to get its way here, meaning that one of them is eventually going to win, and that's really going to be a shame. At some point, as they have one unsatisfying winner after another, this game is going to have a problem. If Rupert, Christa, Sandra, or Jon takes the game, it's going to be very much like Jenna to me -- someone I intensely dislike walking away with a million bucks. At some point, that's not all that much fun. ["Sure. You say that. And yet? Flo." -- Wing Chun]

Anyway, Sandra votes. Tijuana votes for Jon. Lill votes. Jeff heads off for the tallying. When he returns, it's time to read some names. Jon assumes his "Johnny Fairplay" finger position, in case your hatred for him should begin to wane at some point. He gets the first vote. Second vote goes to Andrew. Third vote also goes to Andrew. Third vote goes to Andrew. Jon smirks knowingly, because he's watched this show before. He knows that Jeff always keeps the votes even as long as possible -- in other words, if Jon had another vote, Jeff would've read it before he read the third one for Andrew. Thus, clearly, even Morgan turned on Andrew and Andrew is about to walk away with all the votes except his own. Jon even gives a little nod to this effect. His theory is confirmed when Jeff actually reads a fourth vote for Andrew. So Andrew has four, and Jon has one. Then Andrew gets yet another vote. Five votes for Andrew, one vote for Jon. One more Andrew vote, and the whole thing goes down in flames. At this point, Jon actually unfolds his Fairplay Fuckwit Fingers and grins smugly. It's all over, baby -- he knows it!

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Survivor

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