Survivor
What The…?, Part II

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Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
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Andrew's Own Medicine Tastes Terrible

Thunder is also crashing over at Morgan, which has regained its rightful place as Camp of the Damned. Huddled in the shelter, the remaining Morgans note the approach of a light -- a light which turns out to be attached to Lill. As they walk back to the shelter, Andrew gives her some kind of shit about how they love her, and she pretends she still likes them and just wants to please Andrew. Yeah, right. In an interview, Lill says that they all acted happy to see her, and she knew they were all completely full of it. She, the fifty-one-year-old scout leader, literally says, "I'm thinking, 'Whatever.'" Heh. A very weird night-vision scene that makes Lill look like Methuselah's mother follows. Andrew feeds her a line about how much they've missed her, and then he interviews that he knows she doesn't believe him anyway, because he was part of her ouster the first time around. Well, at least he's giving her that much credit.

At this point, my TiVo cut out about a minute and a half of show (it's a long story), which unfortunately, as I understand it, covered Rupert's very touching conversation with Burton in which they made up over all the teasing from before. I'm sure that conversation, had I seen it, would have totally changed my mind about Rupert. ["Not really; he was full of shit, all trying to be magnanimous to Burton as if he's the king of the game. The usual, basically. Oh, and there was some blah about how Rupert is the gigantic blowhard he is today because he was picked on as a fat kid in high school, and that Burton and Shawn reminded him of the mean jocks who victimized him then, which may be why he lashed out at them. Healthy!" -- Wing Chun] My TiVo is good to me, as usual. At any rate, when the recording kicks back in, Rupert is apparently saying that Jon would be the next logical boot when they go back to tribal council. So he and Burton are all friendly and made-up and stuff. Next time we hear Pirate Pete and the Peg-leg Parrots, I predict they will be singing "Kumbaya." It will start, of course, "Ya-ya-ya, ya-ya-ya-ya."

A bird flies lazily over Morganland as the tribe members wake up to their cold new reality. For one thing, Lill is horrified to see that they don't have water or firewood or food -- all things that you'd think would be crucial to island life. And while I get how they might not have much food if they're not having luck fishing, if they don't have water, that's because they really are slackers. As Andrew and Lill stand around the fire together, he apparently decides that the way to win Lill over to his side is to talk a lot about how much he resents her being there. He goes on and on about how unfair the twist was, after Morgan worked so hard to come back, and how horrified he was by it, and how much he doesn't think it should have happened, and how great of a guy he thinks he is for putting up with it. That's a hell of a strategy, there. I can't imagine any flaws in that plan, as long as he can avoid all the rules of human nature. In an interview, Andrew reiterates how angry he was. I don't even think fairness has much to do with Andrew's level of frustration, really -- I think it has to do with realizing that, had he been slightly less of a prick, this wouldn't all be blowing up in his face quite this badly. No one likes to learn that his behavior has consequences, Andrew: it's been frustrating first-graders for years. Don't feel alone. He then offers a platitude about how the members of Morgan "welcome the curve balls." Which, clearly, Andrew does not. Andrew hates curve balls. Andrew hates everything that upsets his tidy universe in which he is the sole occupant of the Silver Lexus of Destiny, in which he is gunning toward the finish line, equipped with polished steel cup holders and a GPS system, running over all the lesser humans and leaving only the faint odor of his noble exhaust behind him.

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Survivor

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