What The…?, Part II

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
Andrew's Own Medicine Tastes Terrible

Blah blah blah, swim swim swim, the winner is Burton. You mean Rupert didn't win? How is that possible? What is up with the universe? My favorite part is that Burton doesn't even need immunity, but he takes it anyway, pretty much so that Rupert doesn't win it. Rupert may be the loudest, but he's not the Big Dog today, thank God. Jeff tells Burton that he already has immunity as a result of coming back as an Outcast, but that he can still choose to give the necklace/sword thing to someone else and remain immune himself if he wants to. An interesting situation for our emerging dark-horse hero.

As the tribe takes off, Jeff casually mentions that the buffet Andrew said he wasn't expecting is waiting back at camp. Morgan, for obvious reasons, is very relieved.

Commercials. Okay, that Tampax commercial where the teacher asks if she has enough for the whole class is just creepy as all hell. I don't know what class that is, but I recommend they go directly from there to Advanced Boundaries.

The newly merged tribe rows toward the beach, as Rupert voices over that just when you think you have the game figured out, the tribes merge. What a shock! They merged, just as they have in every other season! Who knew that the game plan would have to involve that? Certainly not Rupert, who has been encouraging his team for weeks not to figure a merge into their plans. He interviews that their new tribe name is Balboa, which he likes because it's the name of his dead snake. He talks about how nice it is to have "new people in [Drake's] home," and then we see the boat-o-Balboas make landfall.

Happiness ensues. There is lots of hugging, and Tijuana voices over that it was all very friendly and happy. When they make it to camp, they see that, indeed, a large banquet has been laid out for them. They get ribs, cheese and bread, fruit, and apparently quite a bit of wine. "We just tore down," Sandra says. I guess she's prone to "tearing down" right after she "falls out." Rupert adds that he thought the feast was great, too. That's important, because God forbid anything should happen on this show without our being told how Rupert felt about it. As much as I tend to blow off the editing explanation for my impressions of contestants, I will say this: it's possible that Rupert wouldn't annoy me so much if they hadn't developed such an absurdly single-minded fixation on him at some point that results in my having to listen to him flap his yap every five minutes in every single episode about everything that happens. I believe that Rupert is exactly as he appears -- volatile, egotistical, obnoxious, and ultimately well-intentioned -- but if I weren't having him relentlessly shoved in my face like a copy of Watchtower, it's possible that he wouldn't bug me so intensely.

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