Who's Zooming Whom?

Episode Report Card
Joanna: C+ | Grade It Now!
Blood: It Does a Body Good

At Boran, we have to hear the clue again. Kelly thinks the challenge is rock-climbing. I think it's freeze tag. Lex thinks they might get a choice of rewards, and the tribe decides they want blankets most of all. Tom says he's felt better in his life, but he's felt worse, too. He says they're going to "open a can of whoop-ass and see what happens." I guess they'd need a can opener for that, because we're still waiting. ["Maybe Clarence threw it away when he pitched the empty bean can." -- Wing Chun]

At the challenge, Just Peachy explains that each tribe has five logs. They will use the logs -- of varying lengths -- to build a staircase to the top of a tower which is across a field of obstacles. When all the logs are in place, and when the whole tribe is together at the tower, one member must climb the staircase to the top. The reward has several parts: blankets, food, and all the gear the winning tribe was forced to leave behind on the first day. Samburu has one extra member, so they decide that Linda will sit out. We learn that, this season, they can't sit the same person out two challenges in a row. I'm not sure we had those rules in previous years. As the challenge begins, Ethan barks out orders to his team, which don't seem that helpful -- for instance, "If you're weak, you can jog behind." The paths of the tribes weave over and under things, also intersecting with each other. At one point, Samburu just has to stand there when Boran crosses in front of them. Only ten minutes into the show, Ethan gets hit in the head with something: a log. He would benefit from a ponytail holder. Tom grabs his man boob, and Ethan screams incomprehensibly. The tribes are tied on the last leg, and Peachy reminds them again that they can't put in the last peg until the entire tribe has reached the tower; this warning immediately causes Kimj (a.k.a. Kim J.) to bite it. Jessie encouragingly helps her get up, but it's too late: Kimp on Samburu has already scaled their tower. Celebration happens for Samburu; commiseration for Boran. Suddenly Frank is on the top of the tower, raising his hands in the air and yelling, "Samburu!" The camera pans back to reveal that the various Samburu members are standing atop various pegs and proclaiming superiority.

K-PAX sounds like a feminine hygiene product to me.

It's Night 4 at Boran, and the tribe agrees that they have no regrets. Kimj tells the others that it was "[her] turn to basically screw up." She says she's a competitor, and feels bad. She appreciates their kind words, but insists that they'd feel bad, too, if they had screwed up. Tom says he's not worried because it's just a game, and besides, "Everybody has a boo-boo." Tom says he's proud to be on Kim's team, but Kimj feels vulnerable anyway. She tells us in a confessional that such a mistake is not okay because she has given the tribe a reason to vote her off. Oooh! A little lion cub! Tom tells us that the tribe went too long without water, and that the body just can't take it. He grunts this out because he's carrying something heavy, but I suspect he'd pretty much grunt it out anyway. Then I believe he says something about "two freeloaders," but after listening to it five times, I still can't tell what the hell he's saying. We see that Jessie is shaking. She tells us she doesn't know whether it's from the cold or from lack of water. She says she's probably the only one on the tribe who hasn't had any water, and complains that "it's just very bad." Now, I like Jessie -- she seems like one of the most normal, honest, decent, and non-media-grubbing personalities I've seen so far amongst all the casts of Survivor -- but she should just drink the damn water. She stares at the water and tells us it tastes like tar. Kelly tells us they're all worried about Jessie because "it's bad for her; it's bad for us." So basically Kelly is worried about Jessie, but only because Jessie's condition affects her, too. Lex and Tom converse about Jessie's state; Tom thinks she's all right, but Lex points out that of course she'll say she's all right because she doesn't want to show weakness and get voted off. In a confessional, Clarence says you have to look past the taste of the water; otherwise, the entire tribe will suffer. We see Ethan trying to help Jessie, but she's not being very receptive to him. He snoots off. A close-up of Jessie reveals nasty chapped lips as she tells us everyone is being good to her. If she were on Brandon's team, she could borrow his Chapstick.

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