Who's Zooming Whom?

Episode Report Card
Joanna: C+ | Grade It Now!
Blood: It Does a Body Good

The tribes arrive at the "Damu Bar." Peachy takes the immunity idol back from Samburu and says, "Today's challenge is a real delight." He smugly tells the tribes that the people of Africa rarely eat vegetables or meat, but instead rely on "milk from cattle, and blood from cattle." He then says that, because he wants them to "value" the moment, they will watch how the tribes procure the milk and blood. He calls on some media-grubbing locals who hug their cow, which may or may not be named Charlie -- it's either the cow, or one of the tribesmen. Peachy insists that the ritual of bloodletting the cow is not brutal because cows are revered as a "source of life" in Africa and the Africans "would never do anything to endanger a cow." They stab the cow in the neck and it squirms and struggles ferociously (as ferociously, I suppose, as a cow can) as the blood spouts out in a little arc. Then the cow gets to run away. Lucky cow. Peachy tells the S15 that the cow has been "tested and quarantined." He says he'll put the blood in a "suitable" container for drinking; as he pours it, some of the blood spills over the edge of the carafe, which I'm sure he did purposely because it looks more disgusting that way. Peachy cheerily adds to the blood "a splash of milk."

The tribes will compete "shot for shot," and Peachy insists that they "get it down" and show him their mouths. I think Peachy just likes to look in people's mouths, because it's not like they could -- or would want to -- hide an entire glass of blood under their tongues. Lex agrees to compete twice for Boran because they're short a person. Lex and Frank go first. They say "Cheers!" and chug. Frank pulls a Mike Skupin and smears the blood on his face. Lex thinks it's "nice!" Tom and Carl go next, and Peachy calls the drink "African Chianti." He then unsuccessfully tries to psyche them out: "Let me tell you, it's still warm." After drinking, Tom flicks his tongue about in a lewd and disturbing way. Lindsey and Ethan have an uneventful turn. Kelly's eyes roll back, and blood drips down Teresa's lips and chin. After sticking out her tongue, Teresa giggles cutely. I don't care how sweet-faced she is, it's impossible to look cute with blood dripping out of your mouth. The Kims go together. Kimp has certainly done her share of shots; Kimj takes a little longer. Jessie shakes the whole time the drink is going down, and Linda dumps half of it onto herself without getting penalized. Brandon and Clarence go with no problems. All these people look scary with their nasty red teeth. And now it's time for the climactic grand finale. Except not so grand and not so climactic, because Lex has already proved he's fine with the vampirism, and Silas is a big strong boy. They both get it down with no problems, resulting in a tiebreaker. Each tribe gets to pick a member from the opposite side to compete. Kelly tells her team, "Whoever they pick, we're fine," which seems like foreshadowing to me, especially when she gets picked. Kelly cheers because she gets to drink more cow blood. Boran picks Linda; they don't know her name, though, and Lex calls her "that girl". Linda and Kelly have to drink a bigger shot of pure blood, and the first one to finish wins. If I were ever to compete on Survivor, which I wouldn't (which reminds me of the time we went to Friendly's in the Triphammer Mall in Ithaca, and my husband asked the waiter for a food suggestion -- strange enough, I know, who requests a food recommendation in Friendly's? -- and the waiter answered, "Well, if I were going to walk in off the street and eat here, which I wouldn't..." and then gave his very negative recommendation. People? Do not eat the clam boat), I would orchestrate that the most eager eater act the most squeamish, so as to be picked for the tiebreaker. Good plan, huh? Survivor coaches should teach that one. Linda and Kelly face off; Linda actually drinks some of it this time, and wins. For some reason, Kelly keeps drinking even after she's lost. It's Boran at Tribal Council again. Who would have guessed?

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