Why Aren't You Swimming?!

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
Roller Away

Sitting out for Aitu are Jessica, Sundra, and Nate. As Jeff points out, Aitu didn't want Nate competing with Raro, but they don't trust him to compete with them, either. Neither would I, of course, since it's not like he gets to go back with them and eat peanut butter. If they win, he presumably gets nothing, so it's kind of a no-brainer that you wouldn't have him go with your team. Oh, and the winning tribe will, of course, send someone from the losing tribe to Exile Island. As the teams discuss who will do what, Brad says, "I would rather do puzzles [than swim]. I can do puzzles like the back of my hand." You would think that would be a relatively routine moment that no one could later decide was a comment on his merit as a person or his manliness, but you underestimate the ability of a certain person to be an asshole, and his name rhymes with Nate.

Swimmers for Aitu are Ozzy, Candice, and Yul. For Raro, the swimmers are Rebecca, Parvati, and Adam. Considering what we learned about Candice's athleticism in the last challenge, this does seem like a lineup that would favor Aitu. Ready? Go! When it starts out, Ozzy against Rebecca isn't as much as a massacre as you'd think, if you only count the run to the water. Despite the fact that she has a substantial chest and an almost completely unsupportive bathing suit (WHY do the busty women keep doing that?), Rebecca runs full-out to the water, and she and Ozzy get there at about the same time. But Ozzy is a great swimmer, and he also quickly realizes that the club will float, so what you do is throw it out ahead of you so you don't have to swim with it in your hand. You throw it, and then you swim to it, and then you throw it again. Using this technique, Ozzy gets to the tower with a significant lead over Rebecca. He smashes the box and dives to find the key. He grabs it and heads back. He returns the first key, and Yul heads out while Rebecca is still trying to get to the tower. She finally gets up onto the platform as Yul swims out. Rebecca climbs up and manages to jump and hit the box with the club, and the key drops. Her swimming, however, is poor enough that she's not able to find the key at all, and she swims back without it, and without particularly making a major effort to retrieve it, even. As Rebecca heads back, Yul, wearing a very funny and extremely intense expression, leaps from the platform and smashes the box open. He gets the key and is swimming back, and now the only question is whether he's going to lap Rebecca before they hit the shore. As these two swim, Nate looks over at Brad and says, "Brad, why aren't you swimming?" "Because I'm better at puzzles," Brad simply answeres. Yul gets to shore and Candice heads out, so Rebecca has indeed been lapped. As Rebecca finally does get out of the water, her chest is completely blurred, because it turns out that she has completely come out of her suit. "Pull your top down, baby," Jenny says loudly. That is an act of kindness, I think, so that's one for Jenny. Rebecca, however, either doesn't hear her or doesn't care, because she doesn't immediately react. Even Jeff has to prod Rebecca to hurry up so she can tag someone who can go. And also, of course, so she can cover herself. Finally, Rebecca drags herself in.

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