Survivor
Wipe Out!

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The Rubbing Out of Amazon Rob

Previously on The Foolish Man Built His House Upon The Sand: Rupert thought that a big hole would make a boffo shelter during the notorious Panamanian rainy season, and he didn't want to hear Jerri being all nattering-nabob-of-negativity about it. Ethan, caught between the rock of Jerri and the hard place of Rupert's giant ego, decided to err on the side of stupidity, given its traditional position of dominance. After building a checkerboard, a swing, and a frame that actually didn't look like you could knock it over by blowing on it with a fireplace bellows, Chapera took the prize in the Home Depot Challenge, which also gave Amber an opportunity to eyeball Boston Rob's strange brand of "don't talk, sweetie, just pound nails" sex appeal with growing interest. Amazon Rob, on the other hand, started earning himself a most unfortunate slacker reputation that brought him within inches of the long-awaited first flat-out facial finger-wave of the season. Jenna M. grew thin (well, thinner) and bug-bitten and bummed about her position in the game. She wondered how Mom was doing. She wondered whether she should go home. She wondered whether mosquito netting is made of mosquitoes. Finally, she tearfully made a dramatic (one might even say melodramatic) voluntary exit to go home to Mama Morasca. Incidentally, she then went out and gave an interview in which she actually managed to brag that her voluntary exit protected her record of never having her torch snuffed, so if you gave her the benefit of the doubt about going home to Mom, she'd just like you to have this bouquet of stinkweed, because she really, really appreciates it.

Credits. I love that there's a map that says "Fallen Tree." Apparently, there's only one, and it stays where it is. It may be the jungle, but that doesn't mean there's no sense of order.

Commercials. Good advice, people -- don't take your herd of ostriches to New York City without bringing your walkie-talkie with you.

It's night as thunder and lightning return us to Chapera, where a drenching storm is underway. There's quite a lot of water accumulating here on Night 9, and it's a good thing Boston Rob and Big Tom built the shelter up off the ground, because things would be a little less Robinson Crusoe and a little more The Hunt For Red October if they hadn't. "We need a boat," Big Tom says, as he surveys the situation. Alicia interviews that she knew it was rainy season when they came down here, but she didn't know that "rainy season" meant "abrupt flooding of the take-care-to- avoid-drowning variety." Amber elaborates that they used all of the booty from the shelter reward to reinforce the place, using the parachute as a wall on one side and stretching the tarp over the top to keep the rain out. Boston Rob takes it from there, explaining that although they did have a little water come up through the floor, the shelter held up well and he was able to sleep pretty peacefully all night. We see him and Amber snoozing next to each other in a series of snuggly poses. "You're so warm," Amber breathes. Eeeeeverybody...1...2...3...eye-roll! Did you feel that? I think that affected the tides. There is more canoodling, and Big Tom explains that the two crazy kids were using the opportunity to get a little "romantic mood" going. Eh, I guess. If your vision of "romantic mood" doesn't require music. Or wine. Or food. Or toothpaste. Twanging "bow-now-waaah" music plays as we see Rob fingering the back of Amber's neck. "Boston Rob and Amber are gonna do it," A-Rob interviews with his characteristic subtlety. "I don't know when, but they're gonna do it. They've got the mat, the pillows, everything is in place...and I really wish those two the best of luck." Hee. It was crass and bitter, and then it got funny right at the end. Like all the best things in life. Oh, and one piece of advice for Amber: sweetheart, make him take the Red Sox cap off. If you don't set some ground rules now, he's not going to learn them later.

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