Survivor
Would You Be My Brutus Today?

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Miss Alli: B- | Grade It Now!
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Sponge Bath, Flare Pants

This recap is brought to you by Jessica Alba, Jim Mullen, and enough caffeine to reanimate a corpse. You've been warned.

Previously on One Face, Two-Faced, Dead Face, Blue Face (Canadian title: She Died, Dude): Sandra filched the fish, but she let the rest of the revelers think Christa was the guilty party. At the reward challenge, everyone turned into marshmallows at the mere sight of their peeps, but they let Jonny "Karma Schmarma" Fairplay take the prize after he found out from Big Dumb Dan that his Granny was kaput. Later, Jon and BDD chortled over this whopper while a suspicious Sandra fumed. She may or may not have been "ass out." Tijuana saw her lifeline growing shorter and moved to stop the bleeding, plotting with Sandra and Christa to turn with Darrah against Burton. Probst botched the immunity challenge, but when the dust settled, it was Darrah wearing the Supreme Cutlass. After the challenge, Tijuana foolishly brought Jon into the circle of Burton-booting, and he smelled trouble. The wonder weenie managed to bring Christa and Sandra into an alliance to boot Tijuana herself, an effort that was eventually successful. Thus did Tijuana become the most recent victim of that most debilitating of Survivor illnesses: Failure To Count To A Simple Majority. Sigh.

Credits. Those pirate guys Morgan and Drake look kinda old. They should have some more contemporary pictures taken. Maybe something in front of a gazebo where they're holding roses. Oh, no, I'm thinking of my graduation pictures.

Commercials. Yo, Pringles, how you gonna play me like that?

It is Day 31 at Balboa, where several birds are standing around socializing, all, "Do you think Gwyneth Paltrow really got married?" "No way, she's totally going back to Ben after he loses all of J.Lo's money playing poker." A lizard looks plaintively into the camera, thinking about simpler times. Lill gazes miserably out of the shelter, probably trying to reach Dead Old Granny Fairplay on the other side to tell her how proud she should be of her boy. Elsewhere, Burton and his ultra-sheer boxers -- which I am certainly not examining with Super-Secret X-Ray Specs purchased from the back of a comic book, no matter what you may have heard -- go wading into the water on another meal-fetching mission. Christa and Sandra are hunting for snails or spare change or something of that nature back on shore. "Do you think Jon was lying?" Christa asks idly. Sandra -- who I have just noticed is still wearing dangle earrings, for God's sake -- says that she's starting to think so. She's thinking that attention to what she calls "the bigger bigger picture" would reveal a scam. You know, you call it "the bigger bigger picture" in case anyone confuses it with "the big picture" or "the bigger picture." Clarity is everything, after all.

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Survivor

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