Survivor
Would You Be My Brutus Today?

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Miss Alli: B- | Grade It Now!
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Sponge Bath, Flare Pants

Christa interviews that the previous tribal council ended with a last-minute decision to boot Tijuana after Jon agreed to take Christa and Sandra to the final four with him and Burton. "I don't know whether to believe him," she says, "because I can't believe him ever." Good grief. Please be upstanding for the Mayor of Simpleton, kids. Meanwhile, Jon interviews that Christa made him swear on Dead Granny Fairplay's grave that he wasn't lying. He hauls out an old (and, more to the point, unfunny) fat joke that he uses to demonstrate what little good promises are in Survivor, apparently not having heard that when you have nothing to do on an island except sit around balanced on your tailbone, you could at least try not to recycle last week's jokes. Especially when they're not funny enough to make it into Jay Leno's monologue alongside the yuks about how rad Arnold Schwarzenegger is. Jon laughs at his own hilarity nevertheless, because someone told him he was funny in 1993, and he has never forgotten it.

Jon reassures Christa that he intends to take her and Sandra to the final four. Christa says in an interview that she's probably being lied to, and that there's not an especially compelling explanation of why she's cooperating with him anyway, but I guess that's the price you pay for squeezing such a fascinating tale into such a limited amount of screen time and reserving ten minutes for bird gossip and lizards. Christa goes on to say that she thinks she and Sandra would stand a better chance aligning with Lill and Darrah against Burton and Jon than the other way around. For some reason, she seems to feel that there will be some greater security in an all-girl alliance, despite the fact that she's already alienated Darrah with the tribal-council laziness lecture, and the fact that Lill is about as logical as the college football bowl selection process at this point.

Sandra, meanwhile, is starting to work on Darrah, explaining essentially that because she and Christa are evenly matched against Burton and Jon, she needs Darrah's vote in order to do much of anything. Given that Darrah was willing to vote for Burton last night, Sandra reasons that Darrah should be equally willing to do the same thing now. It's bad reasoning, because Darrah's vote for Burton last time was done as part of an arrangement with a different group of people, and that doesn't necessarily mean she'd make the same decision in a different circumstance. In the woods, Sandra spills the ubiquitous beans to Darrah that the deal struck yesterday to boot Tijuana was that Darrah and Lill would go out first, and Christa and Sandra would go to the end with Burton and Jon. Sandra, however, echoes Christa's earlier thoughts by saying that she actually would rather boot the guys first and have the final four be the women. Estrogen forever! Darrah interviews that she anticipates having her vote heavily lobbied over the next day or two, so she's playing it by ear (or by pigtail or whatever) until she can figure out the right move. Back at the stealth powwow, Sandra tells Darrah that they need to take Burton out as soon as they get the chance -- preferably in this round, if he doesn't win immunity. Then, they can easily take care of Jon. I think Sandra is referring to Jon's immunity non-threat status, and not his propensity for babushkas when she comments, "Jon is just...like...a girl." I have to say, that came out really stylistically funny, despite being substantively annoying. In fact, the passive-aggressively sarcastic music guy adds a little bongo thump at the end of this comment just in case you missed how funny it was. Which I certainly hope you did not.

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Survivor

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