Survivor
Would You Be My Brutus Today?

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Miss Alli: B- | Grade It Now!
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Sponge Bath, Flare Pants

Underwater, the non-copyright-infringing non-Jaws music swims with Burton as he stalks a stingray. To the dramatic trumpeting of horns, he successfully spears it, which I don't understand, considering that Rupert and his friends made it very clear that everyone would have starved if not for Rupert, so I don't see how it's possible that Burton could have speared anything for them to eat. I think the stingray must have been inserted with special effects, or possibly it is made of plastic. Back on land, he reveals a bag of several kinds of fish to the women of the tribe, and they all act suitably impressed. Lill actually says, "Oh, big daddy," which is only mildly funny until you notice the look of absolute hate that Darrah shoots her right after she makes this comment, at which point it becomes highly funny. We then get a very interesting shot of what I guess actually is the very cartoonish "face" of the stingray, or at least a very face-like arrangement of gills and air holes. It makes the stingray look like it was part of the stop-action holiday magic of Christmas On The Ocean Floor, starring Freddy the Fisherman and Bippy The Mighty Stingray.

The pending mouth-watering seafood picnic is interrupted by the decidedly non-mouth-watering Idiot Jon, who brings seamail announcing a reward challenge that would seem to promise pampering of some sort. It also vaguely alludes to getting wet. Sandra mentions that she's never happy to hear about swimming or water, because she has no talent for those activities. Which is why she went on Survivor, I guess, because it never requires you to swim and stuff.

We swoop out over yet another complex arrangement of platforms and whatnot floating in the water, and there's Jeff, welcoming the scraggly six who remain to the reward challenge. He congratulates them on lasting as long as they have, as he is wont to do, and then he announces that they will be competing in teams of three chosen at random. The competition is a water obstacle course in which the first person will walk on a floating beam from one platform to another. That person then dives in and unties tow paddles from two separate floating crates, to which they are attached. She'll then climb up onto the next platform, where the second person is waiting. The two of them then jump in and dive down to release three underwater floating barrels. Then they'll swim to a third platform, where the third person is waiting, and untie a third paddle that's attached to it. (To the platform, not the person, heh.) Then they'll all swim to shore and retrieve a boat, in which they'll paddle back to the start of the course. So the majority of your winning and losing will come from how adept you are at swimming and fiddling with ropes. It's not the first time this season that it's occurred to me that it would really be to your advantage to have a fetish about being tied up in the bathtub that you had dared on occasion to indulge. Jeff explains that they're playing for an overnight spa getaway. There will be dinner and breakfast, and they'll even get back the swimsuits that they left behind in their luggage on the first day.

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Survivor

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