Credits. Indeed, it is the boobiest, Martina-est season ever.
When we come back, the "fans" are still being paddled to shore by the other dudes, and how come they don't have to paddle? Could this show be any softer, Chandler wonders? It's pouring rain as the fans land on the beach and walk up to Probst. Jason ("Gymnastics Coach"), a muscled but kind of smurfy-looking dude who very nearly has The Rachel haircut, tells us that this is one of his lifelong goals, to be on Survivor, and I kind of want to start crying. Tracy ("Residential Builder") can hardly find the words to tell us what it means to her, and I think she doesn't have that many words to pick from, quite truthfully. She also goes out of her way to talk about how amazing it was to see Jeff, and that's when I'm like, "Stop sucking up and trying to get your talking head on the TV, Buildy." Jeff breaks it to the group that they will be playing against "some of [their] favorite Survivors from seasons past." And they all get excited, because they all think it will be their actual favorite Survivors from seasons past, and that is only maybe...half-true.
The first one out is Cirie, whom everyone is genuinely excited to see. She's so nice and so appealing that I don't know how you wouldn't be. And then Ozzy, whom I think it takes a second for them to recognize without his hair, but then they go nuts. Erik ("Ice Cream Scooper") (for serious) tells us that he knows all about Ozzy, but that because he's competed in track and field, he thinks he can keep up. Hmm. Does track and field have swimming and scrambling up trees? No? Then I'm thinking that if you can keep up with Ozzy, that's not going to be why.
And then Ami comes out in a sort of blah blue dress, and everybody's like, "Ohhh...huh?" Because seriously, nobody has any idea who that is. This is why they should have used actual superfans, which these people, with a few exceptions, clearly are not. A superfan would have been like, "YAAAY!" or "BOOOOO!," depending on his or her gender.
The fans are very excited, however, to see Jonathan, so suck it, Jeff Probst. I think that may actually be the warmest reception yet. I was saying to someone recently that Jonathan has just aged beautifully as a contestant, in the sense that when he was on, he seemed awesome, but the more of the game you see, the more awesome he seems to have been. The straightforward way he handed the game to the good people instead of the dipshits and pretty much saved the season? The way he loved his wife all simply and non-show-offily? The total refusal to moralize about villains any more than you would in Monopoly? I think his legend has only grown, so I'm not surprised the fans are excited to see him.