Survivor
You Guys Are Dumber Than You Look

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Jeff explains that, across the water on the other beach, there is a boat for each tribe. Each boat contains a map. There is also, hidden on the opposite island, an idol for each tribe. That idol will be good for the first tribal council the tribe attends. First one to get it gets it. And then Jeff kind of...says they can go, and they all take off running toward the water. I can't believe he passed up an opportunity for a "Survivors ready" moment. The water is roughly chest-deep, so there's some swimming but also some running/walking through the water. First out of the water on the other side is Erik, followed by Ozzy. Erik tells us that he was very happy to beat Ozzy over there, although of course, Ozzy wasn't competing for anything against Erik and logically wouldn't have reason to knock himself out trying to get ahead of him. Powder dry, there, Mint Chocolate Chip. It's a marathon, not a sprint. And you know who knows that? Ozzy. But as everyone shows up and starts looking for the idols, their location isn't entirely clear, and it turns out not to really be about getting there first. Jon tells us that he figured it would be in plain sight, so he saw it hanging on the boat and took it. Of course, he is a moron, so he takes the one on the wrong boat. As he realizes it and dashes over to the right boat, he meets up with Yau-Man, who's wise to the situation and also runs for the idol. As they run, they're sort of running into each other, and Jon trips over his feet and takes a header into the side of the boat. It mostly happens because Yau-Man is ahead of Jon, and Jon turns to try to block Yau-Man with his body, and that's how he winds up flying into the boat. Yau-Man emerges with the idol. Yay! Jon starts whining that Yau-Man tackled him into the boat, blah blah blah. They do wind up tangled together, but there's no tackle. Yau-Man comments in an interview that the idols seem to gravitate toward him. He then sees weird old Kathy wandering aimlessly down the beach. When she tells him that she has "no idea what's going on," he figures she's a pretty good choice of someone to keep around for an extra week, so Yau-Man tells her, "Pick up that," and he points to the idol Jon originally grabbed, now lying on the sand. She grabs it, and she's ecstatic. Jon returns to whining about being "tackled," and if the rumors are true that this was one week after he got his ass handed to him by Danny Partridge, then I kind of understand why being tackled by an old man would be a difficult road. So he tells us Yau-Man isn't really that nice, and he hopes you will accept this controversy and take its hand and care about it a lot. I know you won't, because I know you, and you're too good for that.

The tribes get into their boats and take off to find camp. As they paddle, Jon is whining about Yau-Man to Jonathan, and considering how Jonathan felt about Parvati and Adam and other schmos and how he didn't want to wind up in the "clown house," as I seem to remember he called it, I wish Jon good luck with that.

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Survivor

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