You Guys Are Dumber Than You Look

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: D | Grade It Now!
Fans And Favorites Are Neither

The tribe of fans, known as Airai, pulls up its boat on the beach. Jason prattles on that this is everyone's dream, and they're so excited, and so forth. As they all chat, Chet (the guy who looks like Martina Navratilova) says, as Alexis did earlier, that the advantage is that they know all about the favorites and the favorites know nothing about them. "Mikey B" is identified as an "Aspiring Writer." Let me tell you something, Mikey B. There is no such job as that. Writing isn't like acting -- you can't really act, whether or not anyone will put you in anything, so there is such a thing as an "aspiring actor." But writing, you can do by yourself, so there is only writing and not writing, and if you write, you are a writer, and if you don't, then you aren't, and if you want to go by occupation, then presumably if you're not being paid to write, you're being paid for something else, and you can write that down instead. But there's no "aspiring writer." But anyway, Mikey B says that the tribe includes "Big Bird" (Kathy), "the southern princess" (somebody), "the Incredible Hulk" (Joel), "Jon Bon Jovi in his prime" (Jason, HA HA HA), and "Queer Eye For The Straight Guy" (Chet, and...get a new gay reference, Mikey B -- and not Will & Grace).

And then, like, the strangest conversation ever happens, when Kathy starts quizzing Chet about being gay, and she's not sure whether she can say "gay" or "homosexual" or what, and clearly, Chet doesn't care, because that is the least of his worries about the way this discussion is starting. And then she asks whether, if she calls him gay (or if he is gay?), that means he wants to "be a girl." He's like, "" And then she gives this hilarious interview in which she says she just doesn't have any homosexual friends, but she thinks she worked with a homosexual back in the 1980s. Hmm...homosexuals of the wasn't Jm J Bullock, was it? Because he's one, you know. Were you involved in diving? Because also, there was that Greg Louganis. I'm just thinking out loud here. "I hope you can be my first gay man friend!" Kathy enthusiastically tells Chet while shaking his hand vigorously. And then they hug, and he points out to her good-humoredly that he will most likely just be the first one she knew about. Alexis interviews that Kathy is a little awkward and strange, certainly. And then we watch as Kathy tells Tracy she's never seen implants up close before. And then Jason interviews that when "the crazy lady found the immunity idol" (heh), they were all a bit dismayed, because it was pretty clear that she was probably the one they would have targeted first. Kathy says to the camera that she probably "got off on the wrong foot," and might have been better off shutting up. You think? Well, maybe about some things, but I'm sure sexuality and fake boobs are safe topics for breaking the ice. Right?

Now, we swim with a shark and then head over to Malakal, the "favorites" tribe, where they're taking a look at their surroundings. Ozzy interviews that experience is their advantage. Eliza wants to make a pact that they'll beat all the fans; Ozzy wants to work on the shelter. Jon interviews that this is different for him, because before, he was "on the prowl," and now he has a girlfriend (poor thing) and a baby on the way (...even poorer thing), so he's playing for them. The favorites all work on the shelter, and Jon hilaaaariously tells everyone that he got a message in a bottle that said his grandmother died. I don't know about you, but I'm thinking dude could use a new joke. James tells us that he likes the fact that everyone actually works in this group. "For now" being, of course, the obvious qualifier. "I almost wanted to give somebody a hug!" says James. As you know, for James, that's really saying something. Ozzy has fetched a giant snail, and Amanda is feeding James right from her hand. I didn't need to see that. They work on the shelter.

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