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Sorry I missed the first episode of the season, but Kim did a great job covering and now I'm back! And really, all you missed from me last week was probably a ten-page-long rant on why Li'l Russell shouldn't be on this season and how he has basically ruined this show. All I'll say about it now is that I have been covering this show for six seasons and Li'l Russell has been on three of them. That just isn't fair.

So, previously on Survivor: 16 new contestants found out that any chance they had to get camera time was ruined by the arrival of Rob and Li'l Russell, who have played this game seven times now combined. Also, we have to deal with Redemption Island this season just in case Li'l Russell is voted out early so he'll be able to get back in this game and never leave my television screen for more than five minutes. Li'l Russell's tribe, Zapato, almost all hate and refuse to trust him, but that's fine with him since Rob's tribe, Onomatopoeia, is the one losing immunity challenges. Sadly, likeable contestants like Kristina and Francesca were on the wrong side of the We Love Rob majority alliance and thus forced to team up with Phillip, who is insane, thus resulting in the seemingly awesome Francesca being the first contestant to be voted out.

Francesca makes her way to Redemption Island. She doesn't have much to do or say about her situation, simply commenting that the Tribal Council was even crazier than she was expecting and she's happy to have a second chance and be away from her tribe and Phillip.

Onomatopoeia return to camp. Rob says that was one of the wildest Tribal Councils he's ever seen, and, as we all know, he's seen plenty of them. That's because Rob played this game back when they didn't cast people who are either certifiably insane or way too into performance art. I still haven't figured out which category Phillip falls into, by the way. Kristina says Tribal Council obviously didn't go as she planned and she really shouldn't have told Phillip about the idol, but at least she still has the idol and hopefully a chance to come back from this somehow.

Phillip gives Rob a big awkward hug and asks to speak with him. Rob clearly doesn't want to deal with this at all, but has to or else risk Phillip loudly proclaiming that he is a Federal Agent and then going off on a long, boring, loud, crazy rant that keeps the tribe awake all night until Phillip inevitably slits their throats. Phillip tells Rob he was almost "duped" tonight and that Rob now "owns" his vote "until" he is voted out. Way to play to win, there, Phillip. He rambles on about how he wants to play with integrity and honesty and all this stuff Rob has heard before from players almost as insanely delusional as Phillip is (Coach) while Rob, under the cover of darkness, totally rolls his eyes. Rob interviews that Phillip is a "piece of work" and probably a nice guy, but also insane. "Government jobs: stressful!" Rob concludes. I guess he doesn't have to worry about that since he doesn't actually have a job.

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