Survivor
Survivor

Episode Report Card
Sara M: B | 1318 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Stuporbowl

"Espada - Older Tribe" says the text on the screen. Like, come on, guys. Just say "Espada." They've never needed to put an adjective next to the tribe name before, have they? Like when they divided the contestants into groups based on their race in Season 13, did the text say "Manihiki - Black People?" No, it did not. Anyway, the old people arrive on their beach and introduce themselves. Marty rather awesomely pretends not to know Jimmy Johnson's name. But that, of course, leads to yet another interview with Jimmy Johnson where he reminds us about how he used to be a successful football coach and hopes to bring his leadership skills to this game. Oh, and he's ready, willing, and able to use his "superstar status" to get him further in the game, although he knows there's a possibility that other players may "resent" him for it. "Maybe they're Philadelphia Eagles fans," he says.

Meanwhile, Marty is talking to that weird little Mafia-looking guy about - who else? - Jimmy Johnson. Weird Little Mafia-Looking Guy doesn't think the "Jimmy J." on their tribe who looks exactly like Jimmy Johnson and is constantly talking about how he won two Super Bowls is actually Jimmy Johnson, saying "that can't be Jimmy Johnson. Jimmy Johnson was the coach of the Miami Dolphins and the Dallas Cowboys." I love how, in Weird Little Mafia-Looking Guy's mind, the fact that Jimmy Johnson was an NFL coach means he can't also be a Survivor contestant. Because, really, that makes sense. There's no point to appearing on this show if you don't need the money and you already have plenty of fame. Although I guess some people can never have enough fame.

In non-Jimmy Johnson news, Holly suddenly pulls Wendy aside and tells her that she "really likes" her, has a "good feeling" about her, and "trusts" her. Wendy says that she, too, trusts Holly, adding, "and you know what? I agree." With that, she suddenly turns around and takes off. "I'm with you all the way!" Holly calls out after her. That whole exchange took, like, three seconds. It was kind of manic. Holly then interviews that she's from South Dakota and a swim team coach, because this show apparently can't have enough coaches. They're really trying to give poor old Douche an inferiority complex here, I think. Holly says that this gives her the ability to keep her composure while dealing with many different personalities, unlike, apparently, every other job where I guess you're allowed to flip the fuck out while dealing with people who are all the same. Thus, Holly concludes, she's a very good judge of character. I'm sure she won't look foolish saying that and aligning with Wendy.

Survivor

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