Survivor
Young At Heart

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Sara M: B | Grade It Now!
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Stuporbowl

Hey guys, I just want to say how happy I am not to see Li'l Russell this season! I was starting to believe that he'd be on this show every season forever, but no. He's gone! Hooray! Wait a second, what's this? Former contestants appearing in a commercial for a cancer charity? Oh, shit. Yes, there he is. I don't care if he's just on for a few seconds and it's for a good cause. GO AWAY. Why would they pick a guy who lied that his dog died in Katrina for something like this anyway?

After the break, La Flor makes its decision: they want the fire and fishing gear. I think I would choose that, too. Because I'm boring and don't like to take risks, so I'd always go for the known prize over the unknown. And because, knowing this show, the "huge advantage" the Medallion provides is going to totally suck. Brenda hands the Medallion to Marty, who totally laughs at it. "It's gold. Don't winners carry gold?" Yve says. Uh, yeah, Yve. Maybe you should imply that your tribe is a bunch of winners after you've actually won something, not had some cheap piece of crap handed to you by the people who actually won it. Also, how is Yve over 40? Girlfriend looks younger than some of the so-called young people. Is it the silly "Y" in her name? Does it give her special anti-aging powers? This recap was written by Syry M. Probst dismisses the tribes, and Shannon interviews that he's confident that his young tribe will beat the old people with or without a Medallion of Power.

"Espada - Older Tribe" says the text on the screen. Like, come on, guys. Just say "Espada." They've never needed to put an adjective next to the tribe name before, have they? Like when they divided the contestants into groups based on their race in Season 13, did the text say "Manihiki - Black People?" No, it did not. Anyway, the old people arrive on their beach and introduce themselves. Marty rather awesomely pretends not to know Jimmy Johnson's name. But that, of course, leads to yet another interview with Jimmy Johnson where he reminds us about how he used to be a successful football coach and hopes to bring his leadership skills to this game. Oh, and he's ready, willing, and able to use his "superstar status" to get him further in the game, although he knows there's a possibility that other players may "resent" him for it. "Maybe they're Philadelphia Eagles fans," he says.

Meanwhile, Marty is talking to that weird little Mafia-looking guy about - who else? - Jimmy Johnson. Weird Little Mafia-Looking Guy doesn't think the "Jimmy J." on their tribe who looks exactly like Jimmy Johnson and is constantly talking about how he won two Super Bowls is actually Jimmy Johnson, saying "that can't be Jimmy Johnson. Jimmy Johnson was the coach of the Miami Dolphins and the Dallas Cowboys." I love how, in Weird Little Mafia-Looking Guy's mind, the fact that Jimmy Johnson was an NFL coach means he can't also be a Survivor contestant. Because, really, that makes sense. There's no point to appearing on this show if you don't need the money and you already have plenty of fame. Although I guess some people can never have enough fame.

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Survivor

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