Survivor
Young At Heart

Episode Report Card
Sara M: B | Grade It Now!
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Stuporbowl

Night falls on the old people. While Marty leads them in a round of applause for Jane's fire-starting abilities, Jimmy Johnson, sensing that he isn't the center of attention for three seconds, loudly pukes. He then interviews that he thinks he worked a little bit too hard today. Meanwhile, the tribe's other Jimmy, a fisherman who looks like a serial killer, interviews that "Coach" is really suffering and is therefore old and weak. The next morning, Jimmy Johnson complains about how sick and uncomfortable he was last night, as if the rest of the contestants weren't enduring the same conditions. He interviews that even though he's seen every second of this show, he never thought it would be this hard. I guess his producer friends didn't let him in on that secret.

So we head over to La Flor, which makes me happy because it means we don't have to hear about and from fucking Jimmy Johnson again. Oh wait -- Chase and confirmed bachelorette Brenda are talking about Jimmy Johnson. Brenda, who is single, reveals that she used to be a Miami Dolphins cheerleader, so she knows who Jimmy Johnson is. Way to sneak that in there, Brenda. "I like your spirit," she tells Chase. "I like you, too," Chase giggles. He interviews that he's attracted to Brenda and feels like he can really trust her, but now he's stuck between two alliances and thus will have to lie to someone early on in the game, which he didn't want to do. Then stop getting massive crushes on anyone who talks to you, Chase. It's pretty simple. Brenda, meanwhile, says she's used to having men in the palm of her hand, and sure enough, Chase basically walked up to her and told her that the men have an alliance. Did he say that? I couldn't understand him. Maybe the reason why Jimmy Johnson gets so many interviews is because most of the contestants this season are unintelligible. Brenda, who doesn't have a boyfriend, concludes that Chase is clueless.

Speaking of clues, Kelly B. and Alina go to the well, only to find a scroll. Yes, it's a clue to the fucking hidden immunity idol. Ugh. So now we have hidden immunity idols AND Medallions of Power? Lame. So lame. Anyway, the clue to the idol is a bunch of pictures that neither Alina nor Kelly B. can make heads or tails of. So they stash the clue in a tree and walk back to camp. Even though Alina seems really friendly with Kelly B., she interviews that she is not pleased that Kelly B. was with her when she found the clue, because now she's "forced" to be in an alliance with her, which sucks for Alina because if she makes it to the end with Kelly B., she's assuming she'll get the "sympathy vote." Has it not occurred to these people that Kelly B. might be an asshole? They're just assuming that her one-leggedness will automatically get her votes. Idiots. What's funny about this, though, is that Kelly B. was so worried that her tribe might view her missing leg as a weakness and vote her out early for it that it didn't occur to her that they might vote her out early because they saw the missing leg as a strength.

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Survivor

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