You're A Rat

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Miss Alli: A | Grade It Now!
Candice Canned

We head over to a little clearing, where Jeff Probst is waiting to announce that it's time for the annual Survivor auction. Jeff reveals fairly typical rules -- everyone gets $500. You can only bid in increments of $20. You can "borrow" (meaning take) money, but you can't share food, unlike in past seasons, so whatever you give up, you're giving up. And the auction, of course, "will end without warning."

The first item is under a cover. "Twenty dollars," Jonathan bids. "Oh! We don't know what it is!" Parvati says, just now figuring it out. Jeff agrees that they don't. It's like she needs everything written down, because unless she can read it while moving her lips, nothing penetrates. There's some more bidding. Ultimately, Jonathan takes the mystery item for $100. It turns out to be a hot dog and fries, and Jonathan gets a beer with it. As Jonathan sits down, he spills the beer -- hee -- but fortunately not much of it, so it's not too tragic.

The next item comes in a big crate on the ground, and it turns out to be a bathtub containing an entire hot bubble bath. The winner will take the bath right now and eat a big piece of chocolate cake. Parvati makes no secret of how much she wants it, and the bidding starts to go up. Jonathan nonchalantly jumps into the bidding at $300, and Jeff makes a comment about how Jonathan is "the guy nobody wants to see take a bath." Really? Speak for yourself, Jeff. I'm not saying he's got the body of Yul, but there's certainly nothing offensive about the dude. Jeff appears to have quite the stick up his ass about Jonathan, and it's beginning to make one of them look bad, and it's not the one with the piercing blue eyes, if you get my meaning. Jeff also openly speculates that Jonathan is just driving up the bidding, which he didn't when Adam and (I think) Ozzy also jumped the bidding up. Jonathan lets Parvati have it for $360, and she takes her piece of cake and peels off her clothes to lower herself into the bath. She starts to rub herself with the scrub brush, and while I'm not a connoisseur of sexy when it comes to women, it kind of looks cartoon-y to me. Like...she's trying to act like it's porn, but it just looks like an episode of Saved By The Bell. ["I also have to say that if it were me, I would have gone to town, dunking my head and actually washing, not that pantomime of cleaning Parvati went through. Why spend that much money if you're not actually trying to be clean when you get out? Oh, and I also think Adam was only bidding on the bath because he thought if it were cleaner, his junk would get more attention from Candice, if you know what I am saying." -- Wing Chun]

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