You're Going to Want That Tooth

Episode Report Card
Sara M: C | Grade It Now!
Not That There's Anything Wrong With That

Third round: Joe will be spinning J.T. while Brendan spins Sierra. I think Tempura has the advantage on this one. But both men finish pulling at about the same time. Both Sierra and J.T. are ridiculously dizzy, with J.T. having trouble standing and Sierra having trouble finding the balance beam. Probst watches J.T. struggle and says it's "like the end of a bad Friday night" for him. Probst only wishes he could spend a Friday night with J.T. Sierra takes the beam first, but has trouble about halfway through and falls off. Surprisingly, J.T. makes it across to give Jalapeño another point. I really didn't think the big, beefy cattle rancher had a thing on the model when it came to balance.

Fourth round: Stephen will pull Sydney while Douche pulls Debbie. Both men pull their ropes at the same time. If anything, Stephen gets across before Douche, as the editors make sure to include a shot of J.T. cheering Stephen on and saying he's beating Douche. Ha ha! Sydney better pull her weight here, because I bet Sandy could've crossed that balance beam, no problem. Sydney goes too fast and falls off the beam just before reaching the end, giving Debbie a chance to tie the game. But then she takes forever on the beam and Sydney is able to pass her on her second try and cross the line. Jalapeño wins! Douche is in agony over losing out on the TP. Even Tyson, who wants us all to believe he's laid back and chill, looks pained. Probst congratulates Jalapeño on their win and asks who they're sending to Exile. Stephen says Brendan, and now Brendan has to pick someone from Jalapeño to miss out on their reward. Taj tries to hide behind Joe. Brendan picks Stephen, much to Stephen's surprise. "I love you!" Taj says to Brendan, blowing him kisses. Joe tells Brendan that was a "classy move" (not according to Stephen, I'd bet) while Tyson and Douche look all suspicious. Actually, just Tyson looks suspicious. Douche looks clueless. Tyson interviews that he's starting to wonder about Brendan's contact with the other tribe and whether he's managed to build friendships or even alliances with them. The funny thing is, he probably thinks Brendan has an in with everyone in Jalapeño, based on Joe calling him classy, when he really only has anything to do with Taj and Stephen, who he just kind of screwed over. With that, Jalapeño heads out to the lamest product placement reward since the time that one tribe won a three-bean salad and soda.

After the break, Jalapeño arrives at Charmin Café. I hate product placement, so I'm going to call it something else instead. I'm going to call it the Quilted Northern Café. The Quilted Northern Café is loaded with some very tasty-looking breakfast items that I hope are full of fiber so that the contestants will get a chance to make full use of their TP reward. Taj interviews that she was thrilled to have a chance to be with her team on a reward instead of at Exile Sand Dune. She says the reward was so great that she forgot her own name. I wish the editors had forgotten to pay tribute to their product placement people, but they didn't, so now we have to see the glorious bathroom facilities loaded with toilet paper that Jalapeño also won. Sydney speaks for everyone when she ignores the TP in favor of the sink with soap. Taj interviews that she's happy to get to know her tribe for a change instead of being stuck in Exile, but she's also not very worried about being voted out because she's on the outs with them because of her alliance and the idol. Don't get too confident, Taj. Joe interviews that it's hurt Taj to be away from the tribe for so long because everyone else has bonded and won each other's trust while she's been away. Shut up, Joe. When you talk, I fall asleep.

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