Episode Report Card
Sobell: B+ | Grade It Now!
"Fondue, Anyone?"

Meanwhile, Susan's less than thrilled to see that Brad and Sylvia have arrived at the pool party. Bruce, however, is delighted and films Sylvia as she takes off her pareo and shows off her bikini. Susan gets progressively more threatened. (The best moment, however? When Bruce teases, "Someone's a little camera-shy" and Tom off-handedly remarks, "That goes away." There is not a sentence that doesn't come out of his mouth that doesn't sound like it was lifted straight from a porn movie.) Anyway, Susan huffs out, leaving everyone sort of baffled.

When Bruce finally comes home, he finds Susan fuming about the violently orange, poorly hung wallpaper in the living room. Eventually, it comes out: Susan's torqued about Sylvia, and Bruce can't see why: "Not every friend of the Deckers' is a swinger!" This argument gets interrupted by Laurie, who's come in to tell them that Janet's on the phone and, "she says it's important." Susan silently huffs off to see what's so goshdarned urgent, and Laurie gives her father an appraising look. She finally says, "You know, whatever you're fighting about, Mom's usually right." We see Bruce struggle to respond, and when he finally turns around with his rebuttal on the tip of his tongue ("You're grounded!" or perhaps "Vow of silence from you!"), Laurie escapes to the library.

We then find out what Janet felt was so important -- deviled eggs. I agree with her assessment. Deviled eggs are delightful and should be treated with utmost respect. Anyway, the snag is that whomever was going to supply the eggs can no longer do so, ergo Janet's nominating a new appetizer: "Pigs in a pickle. Pickles rolled in Philly cheese, wrapped in thinly sliced deli meat. According to Good Housekeeping, it's all the rage, but I wouldn't want to offend your fancy neighbors' palates." Then keep looking for a new appetizer, sister. I'm not even fancy but my palate just recoiled. While Janet's talking, she's also hectoring poor Roger -- who only wants to polish his bowling ball and watch some other people bowl on TV -- and giving Susan the beginnings of a migraine. Once Susan's off the phone, Bruce apologizes for not telling her about Sylvia's card, explaining, "I didn't think it was a big deal. There's nothing going on, I promise." Susan replies, "Do you realize, the first time we had sex, I got pregnant?" Bruce can't understand what that has to do with the Playboy lawyer, so Susan spells it out for him: "Sex has consequences. Seeing you with another woman wasn't easy for me. ... Ever since that night, I can't help wondering what other women you want to be with." Bruce says, "The only woman I want is you." Sometimes, Bruce's survival instincts are right on.

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