Episode Report Card
Sobell: B+ | Grade It Now!
Express Your (Most Authentic) Self

We cut to Tom saying, "High school sweethearts, huh?" Luke says, "All four years!" "On and off," Trina hastily assures her husband. "Not if it'd been up to me," Luke adds. He continues, "Back then, Trina wasn't much of a one-man woman. Guess that's changed, though." Tom gives Trina a look and she grins right as she bites into the celery in her Bloody Mary. Then, via small talk, the story gets worse for Tom: Luke is now running the family business, and apparently that business is "staying obscenely rich." Trina blithely assures Luke he can keep her company while Tom's away. A little blonde stewardess named Bobbi comes on out and corrals Tom for takeoff, and Tom bids everyone goodbye, alternately shaking hands or swabbing tonsils with his tongue. Two guesses as to who gets the handshake and who gets the kiss. Tom strides off, totally wigged out about the prospect of leaving Trina alone.

We then cut to Trina swimming in her pool. She gets out to answer the phone and Tom quickly notes that she's out of breath. Trina explains that she's dripping wet, as she just got out of the pool. There's some small talk about the flight -- Tom caught a headwind so he was a little late -- before Tom starts fishing for information about Luke. "Are you jealous?" Trina asks, and Tom rebuts, "Should I be?" Trina thinks not. The two of them settle in for a little naughty talk, with Tom asking flirtatiously, "So, tell me, just how wet are you?" So, tell me, CBS, just how much are you paying off the censors?

We cut to Susan saying goodbye to BJ, but he's not having any of it because he's fourteen and oh my God, someone might figure out he's got parents and how uncool would that be? When the kid skulks off (and out of the next few episodes, if the "two weeks" timeframe is to be believed), Bruce coos at Susan that he's so pleased she's going to be a good company wife. She replies, "Now that you're telling me how to spend my days, do you mind advising me what to wear to this thing? I wouldn't want to clash with the other company wives." In one hand, she's got a soft coral shirtdress; in the other, a frock that looks like something Stevie Nicks would have whipped up immediately after finishing Frances Hodgson Burnett's The Secret Garden. Steve goes for the shirtdress, and Susan drops it in favor of the floral mess. She chides him with, "You know I've never been much for group activities." "Didn't seem that way at the Deckers'," Bruce says. He is entirely too impressed with himself over the ONE swinger experience he's had. Susan gives him a Look, and Bruce protests, "The Harry Reems fundraiser!" Susan points out it's not the same thing, and Bruce snipes, "You're right. Not all charity events can benefit porn stars. Somebody's got to help the poor, sick children." Lord, that man holds on to a grudge.

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