So the Millers continue to settle into their new neighborhood. Susan and Bruce make a pact that the swinging was a one-time thing, but that doesn't stop Susan and Trina from becoming friendly. Trina's open, fun, gracious -- who wouldn't want to hang out with her?
Well, Janet. But she's also not terribly into hanging out with Susan right now either. (Although she's terribly hurt when she runs into Susan at the grocery store and sees that Trina's with her.) She cancels bridge night -- a move that, ironically, Bruce would probably appreciate since he was all "Don't tell me we're still doing that" -- and tries to make the new neighbors the replacement Susan & Bruce. Alas, the new neighbors are total blowhard boors, and this only brings home how much she misses Susan.
Susan misses her too, but she's distracted by how fabulous her life has suddenly gotten. The Deckers have invited the Millers over for dinner, but Bruce ends up staying in the city and getting loaded at the Playboy Club after a really good day at work. Fortunately, Tom is a member so the dinner party goes to the club. Everyone has a fine time -- except for Susan, who feels less accomplished than the other folks she meets, and who gets paranoid that her husband still wants to step out and swing a little.
Anyway, the Miller/Decker double date ends awkwardly when they catch Janet's attempt at reconciliation -- a pie and a note left on the porch -- and Janet incorrectly infers that she's been replaced by Trina. Really, what needs to happen is that Susan needs to have everyone over for some apple pie cut with Quaaludes. Then everyone's interests are blended!
Also, the Miller kids have assorted adventures: Laurie makes the mistake of letting Logan tag along to a feminist production of Waiting for Godot and then has to suffer the embarrassment of getting a ride home from her cute teacher and his girlfriend. And BJ supports Samantha in her brief career as a runaway.
Line of the night: "The Playboy Club? Now there's an idea." -- Tom, upon hearing that Bruce is unavailable for a neighborly dinner because he's getting sloshed in the city.
Episode MVP: Roger. He engineers an accident to get the hateful new neighbors out of his house and he tries to make Janet feel better? He's an awesome guy.
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The episode opens with an apple pie. Anyone else suddenly peckish? Janet takes the pie out of the oven and carries it over to the counter with a satisfied smile. Roger comes in and says appreciatively, "Oooh, hot apple pie! Now that's a way to start off the week." Janet disagrees: the way to start off the week is to smack your husband's hand when he makes a play for the pie. Silly Janet! Just let Roger scoop a finger into the pie and see how he likes it when boiling hot pectin coats his index finger and causes a third-degree burn. That'll learn him.
Anyway, Roger pleads for, "Just one tiny little slice," and immediately after Janet says, "Sorry --" Trina comes sauntering in, saying, "For Pete's sake, Janet. Let the man have some pie." She scoops a finger into the pie and holds it up to Roger's mouth, cooing, "Heaven knows the man could use a little pie." (Worth noting, FYI: Janet is in one of her plaid shirtdresses, while Trina is either in a strapless dress or nothing at all.) Roger appreciatively licks off the pie and Janet snaps, "Roger!"
Enter Tom, in the porniest manner possible: shirtless and draped in a doorway, casually saying, "Something smells good." He comes over and begins groping Janet, saying, "Thanks, Jan." Janet manages to stammer out, "It's-it's Janet." Tom purrs, "Janet. You're in good hands. You both are." And then the swinging commences, set to "Hooked on a Feeling." The dream is interrupted only by the buzzing pie timer -- which is, in real life, the phone ringing on the wall.
Janet had been napping at her table in the kitchen (odd choice, but I applaud naps on general principle. Roger comes in and prepares to get the phone but Janet snaps at him not to. It turns out she's ignoring Susan's calls. Roger wonders about their standing card date with the Millers, but Janet's not so concerned about that. Amid much eye-rolling, her husband and son sit down to breakfast.
We zip over to Susan, who's listening to the phone ring. Her reverie is interrupted by Bruce, who wants her to consult on which tie he should wear: "Second week with the new firm. It's time to make an impression." Going by the heaps of boxes still piled up in the closet, it's also time to get to the unpacking. I know it's the 1970s and therefore there is neither curbside recycling nor Craigslist, but come on! Lose the boxes. Susan gives her opinion, which Bruce promptly ignores. She then reminds him that it's bridge night with Roger and Janet, which Bruce promptly ridicules. Susan admits that she's not sure they'll have the card game since "I haven't been able to get a hold of Janet since --" "Since we brought them to a swingers' party on Saturday night?" Bruce interrupts, grinning. Question to the audience: which do you think Bruce enjoyed more -- the swinging or thinking of himself as a swinger?