Episode Report Card
Sobell: B+ | 2 USERS: A+
Want To Keep Your Marriage Intact? Sleep Around.

Susan asks why Janet hasn't called, and Janet assumes that Trina told Susan about the job. "I'm sorry -- I should have been the one. I was hoping maybe I could talk him out of it." Susan points out that it's a great opportunity, and Janet says, "It is -- for him." Susan says, "For both of you." Janet says, "It's funny -- I had always assumed we'd grow old together." Susan reassures her, "You will," and Janet tearily says, "I'm talking about you and me." And that is why the Susan-Roger thing bugs me so much -- not because Roger's stepping out on Janet (although that's douchetastic), not because Susan's helping scuttle her marriage (which, whatever), but because Susan's doing wrong by her so-called best friend. Not to get all chick-flicky on you because then we'd all have to endure a montage together in which we all binged on ice cream and lip-synched Aretha Franklin into our hairbrushes while doing our nails and laughing, but it's the relationships between the women on this show that inspire protective feelings. So this Susan-Roger thing kills me for how it's going to hurt Janet-Susan and Janet-Trina. Anyway, Susan bursts into tears and Janet bursts into tears and they hug, and now I'm tearing up too. Janet tells Susan, "If Roger chooses this, I'm not sure I'll be able to go with him." Why am I rooting for that? (We see Susan's eyes slam open with an Oh, CRAP expression.) Fortunately, we now have Bruce's cloddish goodbye to Roger to return us to our usual cynical senses.

When night has fallen, Bruce takes to the fire to emcee the evening's fun and games. There's a laudatory speech summing up the summer -- which I am fairly confident we can all remember, having watched it unfold over the past two-and-a-half months -- and then Tom introduces the key party. Bruce goes to pat Susan on the leg, but she shakes him off and stalks away. Bruce follows her down to the beach. There, Susan explodes -- she's furious that Bruce lied to her and that Bruce went to see Melinda after Janet's party. Bruce doesn't really get that Susan is more threatened by his dishonesty than she is by his goings-on, so he protests, "Nothing happened! We talked! That's all!" "That's all! GOD, Bruce!" Susan shouts. Bruce continues, "I am just saying, it's not like we slept together." "That is not the point! You lied right to my face!" Susan says. Bruce says, "Maybe I should remind you that you're the one that opened this door in the first place." Susan: "Opened what door?" "The one to our bedroom," Bruce says. Oh, now we're getting into a real fight, where scores are dragged out to be settled and blame is unfairly assigned. Bruce protests that he was fine before they opened the marriage and Susan calls him on it: "Really, Bruce? Is that why you needed the new job and the new house?' "You wanted those things just as much as I did," Bruce says. Susan replies, "No! None of that mattered to me!" "You're going to stand there and tell me that you preferred the other side of the tracks? You are no Janet, Susan, and I am certainly no Roger!" Bruce scoffs. Susan snarls, "You got that right. I need to get out of here." And her idea of leaving is to stomp into the key party circle, pull out a keychain and snap at the lucky recipient, "Great. Let's go." We cut to Bruce looking absolutely gutted by this, and Trina looking somewhat nonplussed as well. Personally, I feel for poor Tim. He's either going to be on the receiving end of the angriest sex of his life or he's going home untapped. Either way, it's going to be awkward.

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