Tarzan
Emotional Rescue

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Pamie: C+ | Grade It Now!
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TarzanLovesJane.com

Here's the scene where suddenly we find out that the cops' "vibing" was right, and that the suspect from all along was actually a bad guy with a string of priors. This one maybe killed his ex-girlfriend, whom he met in an "internet chat room." As opposed to all of those real-life chat rooms we keep meeting people in. Those are usually called "bars." Whatever: Gary totally did it, and they've got a paper trail from Toronto, where criminals go to hide, and Tarzan goes to film.

Tarzan's watching from under the highway. Somehow, he can still hear Nicki talking to Darcy in front of Gary's apartment. Nicki tells Darcy she'd like to meet Gary. Do you think they took a cab there? Darcy says this isn't a good time: "Gary's just really intense about us." She says she's never had anybody love her this much before. Blink, blink. Darcy says it's probably hard for other people to understand. Enter Gary. Tarzan's monkey-sense starts tingling. "So, this must be Nicki," Gary smarms. Darcy's all, "Yeah. Uh, Nicki, this is Gary." Tarzan leaps down for a closer look. Gary says, "Thanks for calling the cops...Nicki." Darcy's still clueless, and tells Nicki she'll see her later. She goes to grab Gary's arm, but he shrugs it off. "Darce!" Nicki yells. "Come with me! I just want to talk to you." Gary is now in total killer mode: "See, Darce? What'd I tell you? They say that they're your friends but what do they do? The first sign that you might actually be happy --" But Nicki interrupts here: "She doesn't Look happy to me." Gary: "Really? What's that supposed to mean, Nicki?" I'd like to know that, too. Darcy was just saying how happy she was. And why does he keep saying "Nicki" like that? Does he think it's not her real name? And how can Tarzan hear from across the highway like that? Darcy begs them to stop fighting. Gary grabs Darcy's arm all hard, and Nicki gets worried and Darcy says, "Okay, take it easy," and Gary muscles Darcy into the apartment. "Darcy, wait!" screams Nicki, which makes no sense, since Darcy obviously isn't in control of where she's going.

Gary throws Darcy into his apartment, which is filled with canvases and shelves full of paint stuff. It's confusing, because earlier when Jane asked if Darcy was a painter, Nicki made a big deal out of correcting her and saying she was a photographer (and actually, isn't she a college student?). And now she's in an apartment filled with art stuff, so either Gary's a painter somehow or THIS SHOW IS JUST RETARDED. So Darcy totally screws up Gary's latest painting by flying through it, and now she's totally going to get beaten. "Gary, I'm sorry!" she cries as she stands up. Nicki is now knocking on the door, which is quite polite for someone who can hear her best friend's ass getting kicked. Gary yells for Nicki to leave them alone. "Nicki, go away, please!" Darcy cries and screams. "She's just trying to be my friend," Darcy cries to Gary. "She is not your friend," Gary yells, pimp-slapping Darcy, who flies across the room into a shelf of painting supplies, which falls over. Aw, man. She's going to be in even more trouble for spilling the boy's turpentine! She wails and cries, and Gary runs over to her: "Darcy, I just don't want you to see her anymore, okay? Don't you understand?" Cut to slow-motion, but the sound isn't slowed down, so we hear Darcy screaming and wailing as Tarzan slowly crashes through Gary's glass door (thanks for not thinking of that, Nicki) and does an unnecessary shoulder roll into the apartment. But I'm not complaining. Tarzan's hair has a lot of bounce. He and Gary make eye contact. Tarzan growls and then leaps into the air. He throws Gary into the shelf still standing. "John, no!" screams Nicki. But Tarzan's in full-on bitch-out, and he won't stop beating the crap out of possible internet killah Gary. None of the breakable furniture in the apartment is safe, and I've got to say that either this is Darcy's place, or Gary's gay, because there was a plant on the coffee table that Gary just smashed with his back. And there's another one hanging from the ceiling. One second the ceilings are really high, and the next they're low enough for Tarzan to swing from a fern like a vine, which he does, then plopping down on Gary. The music's churning, the girls are crying, and Tarzan can't stop smacking this man. Darcy is screaming for Tarzan to stop, but he doesn't.

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Tarzan

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